simplicity

2011-01-30T17:17:00.001+08:00

Second grade citizen, will never be first.

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2011-01-23T09:13:00.001+08:00

Fantasyland just be locked up n haf its key thrown deep into the ocean.
Why think about things that would get one excited but yet somewhere in u already knows that it would never happen.

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2010-12-23T02:10:00.001+08:00

Sleepless

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Reality doesn't run or hide

2010-12-22T23:41:00.001+08:00

There really isn't a reason for my existence....
Maybe that's why the lines keep running in repeats, over n over again....

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2010-11-20T00:35:00.001+08:00

The things I really want in life can't b bought. Pity.

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2010-11-17T14:29:00.001+08:00

Wishes for brunch at Dempsey or somewhere nice.... Sip coffee n read a mag/book or haf a nice chat....

Well wells....

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2010-11-07T00:37:00.001+08:00

Loves looking at pple's wedding photos....

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2010-11-03T19:19:00.001+08:00

How did I get this fat

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2010-10-10T02:45:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how so many of your friends have had that question n ring popped to them. Or even the number of questions that are in the plans to b popped.
And the number of wedding celebrations there r on fb. Countless.
Happy for everyone who has found the love of ya lifetime n decide to settle down with that person.

It's then u realize maybe u r no longer young anymore.

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2010-10-06T18:59:00.000+08:00

Expecting something different? I dun think so....

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2010-09-30T22:36:00.001+08:00

Some things in life. Once you lose it, you can never get it back . If u r lucky, you may get it back, but things will never be the same again. Just like how once glass is broken, it's better off in the bin

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Observations

2010-09-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

Observations + 6th sense. Somehow these 2 never failed me. And I'm always right about my 6th sense.
Observations.... Just notice the finer yet discreet things. Never slips my eyes.... Behaviours... Usually never goes uncaught.

Still haven't figured it's a good or bad thing. Well....

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2010-09-02T23:06:00.001+08:00

Hate moments when u r so tired n decide to take a cab n there r no cabs. Sucks.

Wish there are more cabs ard..... Or just some kind soul to come pick me up

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Love story of others

2010-08-17T23:39:00.001+08:00

Interesting to listen to the love stories of other pple.... How they r willing to wait for their love of their life to reappear back into their life. So how long would one wait? ... Before one decide for the next best....

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2010-08-06T10:32:00.001+08:00

Loving days like these....
Waking up when your body is ready to wake up.... Grab some breakfast n coffee n flip through the papers. Maybe do some work later on....
Days like these make me wish I never had to step into the office.....
N ideally... In my own home with the loved one.

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2010-07-29T17:34:00.001+08:00

Miss traveling..... Driving ard n seeing new stuff.....

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2010-07-17T13:09:00.000+08:00

"love is ...
Being too tired from the night before to even want to go to work;
having someone there when u wake up;
having someone who is going to be there with u, through thick or thin, right or wrong."

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2010-07-05T23:23:00.001+08:00

Somedays I wonder if that day will ever come.....

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2010-06-30T09:31:00.001+08:00

Happy sighting.... On a late morning train.....

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2010-06-28T11:59:00.001+08:00

On days like this I wish I can camp at home n b knocked out

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2010-06-21T20:03:00.001+08:00

Questions I have no answers to - please stop asking

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2010-06-21T01:11:00.001+08:00

When the mind runs wild, when the questions pops up..... I just wish for a sleeping pill to knock me out

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2010-06-21T00:47:00.001+08:00

Somedays I wonder how much does one need to pray for that miracle to happen

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2010-06-18T00:21:00.001+08:00

U have a voice. But only to realise you are in no position to use that voice. Or maybe u should speak that voice to oneself

2010-06-03T21:48:00.001+08:00

Tired of trying to work positivism n optimism into myself. Just want real positive stuff.

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Writing

2010-04-21T20:07:00.001+08:00

Hate writing but I chose to do a job that requires me to write n write n write

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2010-04-21T09:21:00.001+08:00

Suddenly it feels like being in London subway. But thankful for the multiple lines that stops at my statio

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2010-04-21T01:35:00.001+08:00

:(

Simple person with simple wants.

But the want seems so far away n hard to get. WHY WHY WHY?

Perseverance n determination? Will it really pay off?

Self-doubt just keeps on growing n taking me down

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2010-04-12T20:04:00.000+08:00

Am just a nobody

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2010-04-09T01:32:00.001+08:00

Somedays u just ask yaself wat is your existance on this earth is for?
Would there b a difference if u r not ard?
Maybe it's not wrong to say that no one is indispensible. Be it at the workplace or on the surface of this earth
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Randoms

2010-04-07T00:32:00.001+08:00

Just feel like giving up...

Maybe somethings in life r never meant to be mine...

And the things which I thot were the easiest things in life seem so hard to achieve.

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2010-03-11T20:56:00.001+08:00

I just want to play tapfarm n live on my farm

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2010-03-04T15:28:00.001+08:00

Totally not motivated.
Nothing to look forward to.

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2010-03-03T01:04:00.001+08:00

So want an out

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2010-03-01T11:29:00.001+08:00

Just want a getaway.... Anywhere......

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2010-03-01T01:01:00.001+08:00

It all seems to get further n further away from my reach. The vision is just a blur

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2010-02-27T02:23:00.001+08:00

There r days where we all wish to just head home into those familiar arms.
There r nights we all wish there was some lying in bed to chat with u.
There r days where u wish u could turn back the time where we were all carefree n happy.
It's just one of those days.

2010-02-25T00:08:00.001+08:00

Can't decide if the not bothered method works when u know it still bothers.

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2010-02-12T20:35:00.001+08:00

Hope my thots will b proven wrong

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2010-02-11T22:05:00.001+08:00

Hate having to ask for help. If I can, I won't. Nvm. Wish I can just grow a money tree n pluck my money from there.

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2010-02-10T18:13:00.000+08:00

All the crap shit is draining me off my energy. I just want to go home now. Dun want to deal with all the nonsense. Making me feel faint.......

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Inefficiency

2010-02-07T19:17:00.000+08:00

Now I know why some pple can get their asses off on time n some can't.

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Knowledge

2010-02-01T20:38:00.001+08:00

Knowing too much can never be a bad thing. At least for those who have been brought up to get the inquisitive ticker working. But somedays u do wonder what's it like to be in a world without all these extra information... Living in a world where u dun have to toss any unflipped stone of knowledge.

Would living in that world be any different? A simpler world?

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2010-01-06T19:29:00.001+08:00

Action speaks louder than words.

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2009-11-30T23:56:00.003+08:00

it's the age whereby we start hearing more wedding bells jingle around us. we start hearing pple discussing about their couple travel plans, future plans, marriage plans, getting-a-home plan. And suddenly it just dawned upon me... everyone is busy planning & wat am i doing with my life? not a single plan in place.. nor any plan in near sight. feels like i'm just drowling in this whirlpool of i-dunno-wat.
somedays i just listen to all the various plans that r floating around & somehow a yearning to be have such plans of my own just manifest itself. But i guess... this yearning is just like how a little kid would yearn to wear n own her own very first spectacles. But the novelty only last for the very few months... and thereafter... we dread the whole idea of wearing it. all wishing we had looked after our eyes n never had to be bespectacled. too late.

2009-11-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

i smell disappointment before it comes.
wat's new.

2009-07-07T01:48:00.002+08:00

watching my friends get married never makes me fail to wonder when my turn would come. i admit it's a whole big rara affair but it's the beautiful memory of it that counts & the numerous beautiful photos of the day... & all the beautifully dolled up gals.. & well as everyone says.. a lady is prettiest on her wedding day... i guess that's so true...

well but i'm somewhat prepared to give up that whole fairytale wedding....

lost the urge to write... nitez

2009-06-24T01:47:00.003+08:00

would really love to refrain from blogging.

but on nites like this.. it might just be my sanity check.

somedays i feel like giving up.... on everything.. start afresh & pray that everything would work out like how i wish things would.
somedays i feel like i still have the energy to keep going & for once fight for something....

i guess the outcome on sat would be the most indicative sign.

2009-06-13T02:17:00.002+08:00

friday night and i'm home...
tell-tale signs of my almost non-existant life...

well...

some reflections.. which explain the existance of this blog...

thankful for dedicated colleagues who will follow through things and helped me up loads in the office. would really like to have the opportunity to work hand in hand closely with him. coz together.. the follow-the-sun model is totally feasible. & for the many times... i would say it is a 2 location collaboration.
.
been our bad luck to have terrible BAs on our 2 major projects so far. Even the basic & most slightest things can't be sorted or even planned for. This only makes me feel like i am kinda suited to take on a BA role. Shall try pushing for that. Only pity would be the lack of good BA or PM mentors i guess. but well it's been all about self-learning... enquiring.. probing.
.
time to master the art of delegation to make my BA & PM career route work out.
.
communications has somewhat made the world really small & how it is almost impossible to run or hide away from the surface of this earth. fancy getting a call from ldn on your mobile at 2am... for updates on the progress & plans for monday. but appreciate that nonetheless.
.
i'm not much of an organizer... but i guess when it comes to work & having everything neatly planned out.... it is a pre-requisite. doesn't anyone understand that?
.
maybe i'm not ready to give up my idealistic version of r/s. the kind we see in fairytale stories... movies... & in books. well.. we live on this earth only once & for that limited period of time...
.
maybe i'm just tired of everything.... so i guess bed is the best medicine for now.

2009-06-10T03:31:00.002+08:00

just dawned upon me that i've totally forgot abt my space.. plus my previous spaces. so for the fun of it i'm attempting to hunt them down once again. can't even remember my blog addies.. i think wat more their logins. but well.. would be interesting to revisit what i've written in the past.

and if any of u still visit this space & still have those links... pls mail me....

as i grow older i guess i lose touch with writing....

so adios.

2009-01-20T14:37:00.002+08:00

Cheers to 2009!!! :)

And well done to myself for remember the login & password to this blog. Haha...
Totally forgot everything else to login to the other blogs but i guess that also marks the end to needing to blog in those spaces.

Not too sure if it's a good way to start the year but haf been working damn hard since the year started. project, london shift and all... tiring but fun at times. well at least i think i'm learning something for now...

for now and maybe... i might consider taking up a degree or a course in project mgmt. hmmm... we shall see... doesn't help that thy big fat office name has hit the headlines for the wrong reason n at the most strategic time.. ie NOW. looks like bonus is a goner... there goes my travelling n saving plan for the year... not to mention abt going to study... hmmm... just find someone to yang me lahhhhhh... hai. i wish......

2008-11-05T01:59:00.002+08:00

been neglecting this space but yah.. i'm back.. not too sure for how long...
just another night where i'm sleepless.. so here i am updating...

it's been crazy in the office...
with the outflux of my fellow team mates...
getting myself trained n up to speed with the whole functions & processes of the team
getting a change of management and a huge diversion in the management style
integration works
influx of newbies
and the task of training falls unto me...
training + doing normal work + working on project + looking after the team.. is no joke..
and with all my bosses off for 1 week n 2 weeks...
their cover is like me, myself n I
so that makes it
BAU + training + mgmt reports + looking after the team + testing + projects + all the adhoc issues & queries + attending meetings on their behalfs
all in all.. i can barely breathe or have the energy for anything else
and after fighting for 1 week.. all the sleepless nights with to-do list & issues randomly popping up in my sleep.. i'm starting to get the hang of coping with all these..
with priorisitising everything... delegating work down...
i guess i'm picking up.... though i pity my trainees whom i barely have time to impart the knowledge.... n i pity my pay cheque...

gosh.. think abt it.. i've come a long way...
and a longer road ahead...
i'm just praying all the hard work will pay off and things will come my way...
and the numerous takes away i have from these 2 weeks...
this is prolly the steepest learning curve i have in my entire life span in this place...

2008-09-06T14:27:00.003+08:00

Been pretty tied up with work of late.
The pain and the new opportunities it brings me.
Work & the pains of it has been sucking my energy and drawing my attention away from this space.
So apologies to those who keeps logging in to this site, only to be disappointed.
Blame it on the work. haha...
But since it's the weekend, i shall attempt to blog any other thing but work.
So i shall come out with my wishlist for the remaining 2008. Hmm... *hints* giving everyone the chance to save up for my bday present + x'mas present. hehe..
1) Camera.. it's time i update to a camera with face detector!
2) iMac.. guess i wouldn't mind a desktop
3) Time Capsule... unless someone can suggest a better backup storage device for macs
4) Makeup brushes
and all of a sudden i lost track of the stuff i need.

Things i wanna do...
1) Get my powerbook upz n running with my songlist & softwares
2) Backup all my stuff
3) Sort out my photos! photos from exchange included :s
4) My food & shopping guidebook!!!!!!

And the medicine is kicking in... time to nap... Adios

2008-07-27T13:38:00.001+08:00

well done. i sense my fuse shortening but i hope it's not for everyone...

Moments

2008-07-25T00:55:00.002+08:00

tired but somehow the peace and the tranquility of the night has set you into this very pensive mode. falling ill isn't something much desired but it's really your body's way of telling you to slow down & take a break. you've been going on n on, packing days n weekends, going through with life without really allowing yourself to sit down n reflect on the things that have happened.

as you scroll through the inbox of your phone, you realize the amount of baggage you've kept in your phone. some intentionally while some unintentionally stayed there coz you never found your way through the whole list to get them deleted. And this very action only makes you realize that each time you go through your inbox, you delete at least one sms which you used to hold dearly to your heart. And each time you scroll thru the list n see the name(s), the heart aches lesses n lesser n you guess one fine day when all the sms-es have been personally deleted, it's the day you've learnt to fully let go.

This simple process of deleting sms-es makes you realize how much things have happened through a short stint of 8 months. It seems like a long time ago but in actual fact, it hasn't even been half a year. And well, half a year many things can happen. It's amazing how feelings can change so quickly... instances you have seen way too many times (or at least in your opinion) in the last year to make you realize how transient things are.

One moment, you are so close to that someone, and next you realize you are being treated like a stranger n in somewhat like half a year, you discover the church bells ring. Not for you n the person, but for that person n someone else. This makes you wonder and it's a puzzle you can yet unfold. Some things go beyond 2 pple being together. As long as that person is happy you'll be happy for that person too. Is that what they call the essence of love? Maybe.

One moment, you are so close to someone, and next you realize you are just back to being friends. Being a good friend to that one you fancy and had once gotten so close too, is painful and yet draining. But yet at the end of it, you simply hang in there and hope the other party does one day come to that realization that there's something more than that friendship which is keeping you hanging in there. From the start, we all know, it's taboo but yet we let things happen. And now we can only make do with life going on.

One moment, you are so close to someone - the closeness of a brother. That's how you feel but you know its otherwise. And this is something you won't want to lose but you know someday you might have to graciously left it go. And this has yet to been seen and you hope that you will never have to deal with such situations.

One moment, you are close to that someone but yet you barely know that person through and through. And after years of distancing, you grow to be close once again. And somehow you lose it again. And as time passes by, you refound this closeness. So what does this has installed for you? It's yet to be known.

One moment, you discover yourself growing closer to this someone. Next running thought in your head, is this going to end just like how the others ended? And this leaves you wondering and thinking...

So many one moments but when will be THE moment? I wonder.

Similar to taking the same roller coaster ride over n over again, the thrill depreciates with each extra ride. This is what they call utility isn't it. It applies to the moments too.

Trivial as these may seem. Deem them emo as you may wish too. But I believe everyone holds different priorities in their life & everyone's ability to handle and process different aspects of their lives differs. And this is what makes some things trivial to some but yet important to others.

To everyone out there, hang on in there for whatever 'trivials' that life has installed for you. Coz there's always something to learn out of it.

2008-07-16T01:33:00.001+08:00

i can officially put a full stop to the chapter.
the ultimate closure.

2008-07-02T01:49:00.003+08:00

pray and hope that my luck in meeting players n the wrong kind of guys will come to an end....
*keep fingers cross*

n i'm starting to really love dancing though i'm still really bad at it..
but well i'll keep practicing n all...

2008-06-18T22:44:00.002+08:00

some days i feel like just giving up on motivating myself to stay in the job.
i know the motivation to leave isn't that great or at least not great enough to overcome all the obstacles of finding a new job
but yet i know it isn't engaging me enough to not harbour thots of leaving.
it's like yet another mental battle of motivating myself and pushing myself to stay engaged.
but these days disengagement seems like the way to go.
i guess at least it keeps me nonchalant to the politics that go on in the office
.
i'm starting to hate the groupie thingy n how pple try to get into the groupies of the hip without realizing that they are no longer themselves.
isn't it tiring just trying to change yourself to someone u ain't just to get accepted?
for the observer perspective. it does feel a lil weird to note the changes.
.
disengagement does keep the emotion balance at equilibrium though there are days where disengagement doesn't seem to work. some days i wonder why i am working so hard when other pple r busy chatting online or facebook or networking. or some days u reflect n realize that pple's wage per hour is a lot higher than yours not coz they are more experienced or they work harder. disparity. disparity in working hours... coming in late leaving early enjoying the lunch hours n lil times off in the day... summing up to less than 8hrs a day. disparity in claims.. claiming for hours that u dun work for. all these disparities does get to some of us on days. we could simply not care but being loud n relatively proud of it doesn't help. i guess i can't help but bitch about it.
.
and all this detachment has prolly made me a very detached person in all sense of the word
so i guess...
one day i've got to tune back to the world's frequency
& also one day my wish is to tell that someone...
"i think i'm in love with you."

me me me

2008-06-15T13:50:00.001+08:00

the electronic bridge

2008-06-11T00:36:00.002+08:00

erp which i know it as the electronic bridge that reduces the numerical value of the plastic card camping in my IU is sprouting all over singapore. i've gotten so used to see those bridges that i barely notice their existance for a period of time. till one fine day when i was just driving along the roads when i noticed their proliferation. it suddenly became such an eye sore... n when the LED & that 2 orange bulbs come on.. it's simply pierces my eyes. I just wish i could sing... 'electronic bridge came falling down, falling down'. I WISH. but see.. the underlying idea is to suck poor road users dry... fwahahaha... n well.. my belief... as long as I can drive at minimum 90km/hr on the highway & reach town in 10-15 mins.. i would gladly pay that 4 frigging bucks.
okie. meaningless post other than some very random grumbling....
nitez world.

2008-06-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

.of income and expenditure.
it's once again that time of the month where the bills find their way to my letterbox. and also the time of the month where i commence my countdown to pay check day. but it's also time where i realize that the puffed up bank account inflates for that short span of 2 or 3 days before the money automatically finds their way out. it's been awhile since i've gotten a kick of seeing an inflated bank account. well next time will be next year march if i continue hanging out at thy company. wat are the odds? well the future is not within my control so till then...
a part of me hopes i can hang on.. hang on to get my fair share of the pie.. or watever pie is left after the mouse has gotten hold of their fair-or-not-so-fair share. it's time i get my share.. the share of the pie which will make up for all the unaccounted for inflation. some days it's simply depressing to think of how my value to my company decreases per day. let's see how this works out in my brain.
First let's establish that loyalty is paid off monetarily. Experience grows gradually per day. Inflation rates stands at 7.5% which in my honest opinion is a lot more than that (especially since the most drastic increase in my expenditure has gone to the very expensive fuel that my car consumes.. say from 50bucks for one full tank back in uni days to my 70 bucks for one full tank now. well apparently fuel knows how to peg itself to my earning power) and yearly increment should factor in inflation & loyalty & some form of increase in experience. with that established...
ok so here how my value decreases per day...
my working hours (official hours 9 to 530) have increased from the usual 9-max6 per day to 9 to on an average 7ish per day. so that's a give n take of 2 hours a day of OT.
increment from 2007 -2008 is so pathetic that i must honestly say doesn't even compensate for the inflation rate as announced this year. so that means... my real increment is like NEGATIVE. so where's that tiny weeny percentage that is contributed for loyalty & experienced gain?
so all in all.. doesn't that make me a lot of a cheaper labour to thy company that the actual size of the pay check? the numeric value may have increased but the real value of it seems to have decreased.

maybe that seems to help me understand why my pay check doesn't seem to comfortably pay off my bills. and a mental estimate positively affirms that.

it's a sad life.. all so suddenly when everything dawns upon you...

2008-06-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

so many many many wants.....
1) new watch - tag similar
2) new car - MRS/Integra
3) new lappy/desktop - powerbook/imac
4) time capsule...
5) hi-fi system
that pretty much sums up all my big tix items that i want....

2008-06-05T00:58:00.002+08:00

some days... i do get the recurring feeling of missing you...
then it heads back to the mental battle.

2008-06-04T01:09:00.002+08:00

it's amazing how the supply of work is never ending.
if and only if the supply of money comes in with that constant supply.
then at least i won't be complaining.
n the most retarded thing is getting one more headcount to lessen our workload
but how come i dun see how the reshuffle of work is going to help me head home early?
no ideaz. maybe i havent done very well in acting busy.
i think as an objective for the next half of the year... the objective shall read
'To improve act busy skill by Dec 08, such that work which can be completed in 4 hours will seem like it takes me more than 8 hours.'
SMART objectives. sounds SMART enough? i think auntie chia's drilling din get in too well..
hmmm...
n i can't believe i work wif some pathetic pple.
i hope pple can start to differentiate the difference btw supporting the subject and supporting the person.
And if something really isn't that urgent or important to you, then dun make it seem like it by making it an issue when it is none in the first place.
n work is sucking up all my energy.
and i love dancing! but only with good leading partners. :)

2008-06-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

i wish the weekend din have to zoom by so quickly. but don't we all wish for that. (:
a part of me is like dead... it seems like i go through the motion of the days n the weeks n the months.
wake up. get to work. work. knock off work. head home. eat. shower. bum. sleep.
and the cycle repeats itself once again. i feel like a robot going through the motion of things.
well.. i think it's time i revived that part of my life.
how? i dunno.
anw the weekend came n went by...
sex n the city was great! i wanna watch the entire series of SATC.
mj was good! it's been awhile since i touched the tiles.
massage was shiokz so was bumming on a sunday afternoon with some good company & waffles & ice cream.
pedicure was true indulgence after the massage n all...
hehe...
clearing my wardrobe didn't turn out too well...
i shall do it bit by bit. though i managed to toss out some stuff. well at least.

Just an announcement to all..
i'm on a mission to curb thy art's shopping expenditure..
so no more shopping for me...
tempt me not. window-shopping only.. n pls drill that into my head.

2008-05-30T00:47:00.002+08:00

i had much prefer pple to be outfront n direct when dealing wif some things. esp if it's something that is going to affect other pple.
some things don't go away just like that i guess.

2008-05-27T14:03:00.002+08:00

damn shiok to not have to wake up at 8 and rush off to work.
feels sooo damn good to just nuah in bed & wake up leisurely.
though that meant that i wasted many precious morning hours.
but hell who cares. i deserve to enjoy my leave.
ran to do all my banking stuff in like 1 n half hours.
i'm starting to love gardens. it's like the mini-banking hub.
citi should consider opening their branch there.
at least that meant that i could complete all my banking needs in the same place.
sadly at the end of this. i can only say i'm a poor church mouse.
one day i'll make it to the privilege banking section. :P
but that would mean i'll have to actively get my ass moving out of this job.
i wish i had one more day of leave to just sit ard at some cafe n read a book.
all by myself. with not having to entertain anyone.
pretty happy being alone & very much comfy with it.
would be better if i'm in venice or something...sit by the cafes, read my book & watch all the water taxis go by.
or i wouldn't even complain if it's sweden... sit by the cafes, enjoy the nice summer sun but yet semi-cooling weather, sip on nice black coffee and feast on open-face sandwiches topped with some pastries & watch al the hot chicks & skinny jeans dudes.
my oh my.. i so miss those days. :)
din achieve very much today but at least my to-do list has shrunk n well purpose of today's leave is to SHOP.
so indulgence i shall award myself. but god bless the bank account. :)
no more shopping after this GSS & BKK. I shall hide my credit cards. shall live on debit july onwards.
my money shall go towards my car fund, my wants fund, my holiday funds & most imptly other money generating purposes. :)
adios for now... SHOPS HERE I COME!
hohohoho.. .
looking forward to dancing tonight!!!!

2008-05-25T22:21:00.002+08:00

it amazes me how more n more people are getting married at a rather young age... say pple my age or 1 or 2 years older talking abt getting married. i alwiz wonder wat goes thru these pple's minds when they talk abt getting married. coz the only thot going thru my mind is that i'm slowly being preserved and waiting to be canned up n be plaecd on that shelf.. n subsequently end up camping at the shelf... .

2008-05-22T23:03:00.003+08:00

men are creatures are so hard to read. in a similar fashion, they think likewise abt us woman.
i can barely read their train of thoughts.
tired of being the unrecognised. it's time to work my way there....

2008-05-21T01:28:00.002+08:00

today marked a significant day i guess to many. for some, it's a sigh of relief. it's prolly good riddance as they who are deemed as 'evil' forces ard the workplace r finally eradicated. but for the majority of us, it's a sad moment. well impact not felt as yet. but i guess it'll be apparent tml. sad i must say but somehow it wasn't as depressing as i thot. one thing for sure is that i just found myself 3 new friends & i guess this kept the grief factor in check. i'm glad that they've all moved on in their lives.. to somewhere better unlike thou art who's still circling in the same place. but in any case.. i'm happy for them.. though i must say.. the office is gonna be uber quiet n that kinda sucks. I haf no one to indulge in my remotely warp topics of conversations.. no one to whine n bitch wif... no one to disturb me... no one to essentially make me seem less noisy.. n definitely no one for me to seek SOS from. but life goes on... n i guess... those r the peeps that has drawn the entire team closer together.. not too sure how we're gonna cope wif this shrunken team & the colleague colleague relationship. all the best dudes! n kinda sad that i din manage to get something for them...
anw why do i sense that my life ahead is going to be a terrible one. no more whining buddies & trusting friends. boss that majorly seems so non-chalent abt this whole issue though i can sense that inner sadness. suddenly i wonder who's morale is the one that is down...
hell.. life goes on.. n i'm too tired to continue blogging.. but today does indeed mark a significant day and more significant days ahead.... n the days ahead will only tell how things would progress. it's still a torn decision.. n i'm talking in language that not everyone can understand... but so what..
keke..

2008-05-17T02:54:00.002+08:00

i realize..... for the person i care most or matters most to me... i'll do anything for that person. but how many times does that person actually stop to consider the feelings or even the position of the giver?

2008-05-16T14:31:00.002+08:00

u can forget everything else but just not that one thing.
sometimes we just hang on to the last ray of hope n that's going to be a long long wait.

2008-05-16T00:08:00.002+08:00

work is piling shit. oh well but at least it's keeping me occupied and stops the straying n shopping or upheaval of weird emotions and moods. but one day i'll just wear out. time to start going back early instead of clocking minimum 8 oclock nights. time to find some life back... though i must say it was nice mambo-ing with the colleagues... it's prolly my first mambo this year n in a long while... had great non-drunk fun... the fantastic mambo music, the funny n entertaining dances, the companionship of the colleagues & the drinks... but long island is still my most hated followed by flaming...

i'm hoping next week marks a brand new chapter... while i write the ending to the previous short chapter... or would the chapter continue for a bit? I dunno. i'm torn in between. but in any case, i'm sure the story will find its continuation. It would be weird... n more weirdness to come when a major part of my life... at least my work life would be making a change. All my dearest now friends will be gone n my motivation to step into the office has slipped from 100 to 10. Well.. just as i'm entertainment to some, they are entertainment to me too... (maybe wif some pun intended)

anw heard the weird dream that night.. n why do i think it might happen. no idea how i'm going to handle such a situation but i'm sure i'll tide through it. anw.. TGIF! time to relax n enjoy after the very long week... so tired...

so much remains unspoken. even spoken, why isn't everything said the truth?

nitez world!

2008-05-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

created this new post time again but I never got down to penning it.
had my thots collected for some time with loads to write about but as the days go by without penning them down. i think much of these thots have slipped n sunk into some corner of my pea brain.
but nonetheless... i believe this blog is still the 'entertainment' site for some & for others to catch up & for some others to try n read in btw the analogies. but whatever purpose this blog serves... it's MY outlet.

it's been a pretty busy week last week. both at work & after work. I realize my planner has a way of filling itself up... n i'm enjoying that.. at least i dun haf to complain that i haf no life.. but wat i enjoy most is having impromptu & spontaneous activities popping up on my planner. the surprise factor. i like!

anw.. i've found something more entertaining and it's distracting me from blogging.. so for now... minor updates...

after a long back n forth haggling wif my boss & a lot of bitching & angstiness... my leave has finally been approved.. so i'm off to bkk for the weekend... my maiden trip to bkk... n i'm sooooo looking forward to the nice nice suite.. the queens & princess crapiness & the shopping.. muahahahaha...

n i will make sure my kid sails in future.........................

2008-05-04T19:37:00.001+08:00

it's been awhile since i napped on a sunday...
damn shiokz.
ran my errands... ie cut my hair...
so now the hair is back to short & untie-able..
zzzz...
time to keep fit!!!!!

2008-04-29T23:48:00.002+08:00

I just discovered the beauty of my iPod touch. Initially I was pretty upset at the fact that I have lost all my bookmarks but hold n behold I discovered a copy has been backed up on the touch. Woot!!!! So not all is lost n so wif my ipoddy hooked up to the Internet thy art has decided to surf net on the even more portable than laptop device. Keke. Starting to not know what u r thinking about... R we backat square two again or have we gone back to square one? Just when I thought we were back to one I realize that maybe we might not have fallen backwards.

2008-04-29T22:35:00.001+08:00

i sense hell coming my way as i took over my old role + work on my newer role.
zzz...
had a great weekend at the kelong...
i love the sea, the sun and the sand!
I could just live in the sea...

2008-04-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

Fruitful & eventful weekend! as usual.
starting to appreciate the fullness of the weekends especially since i dun really head out on weekdays. :)
it's alwiz nice having the companion of the girls though i practically see them every week.
Champagne brunch was damn shiokz! Worth the wake!
Nice food + Champagne + Great music + Great company... wat more can i say!
That's LIFE!
Great job my dear event planners! *pat on back + applaud*
Finally step foot into the zoo... though it rained.. but it was nice...
Hit 12 rounds of the track! *yippies*
Followed by a massage session & loads of more good food at night...
haha... Shiokz wor...
Though tired.. i h i'm quite ready to start the week & look forward to the next weekend!
KELONG! woot
N the potential BKK!!!!! My first!!!!

2008-04-20T01:13:00.002+08:00

i hate road hoggers... esp those that hog the extreme right lane and drive at like 70km/hr when the max limit on the expressway is liek 90km/hr and tendency is that pple hit 110km/hr on those lanes. doesn't help when i was rushing for time & the numerous trips up & down CTE saw road hogs blocking my way... worst is when all 3 lanes are hogges with cars driving ard the same speed... that one no where to cut lah...
well... i pay road tax too yah... zzzz
anw had a galore of audis today... saw the entire range of audis... itwh the bride & groom in the R8. OMG. audi entourage.... so nice... next time i get married... i want a sports car entourage.. or slk entourage... hahaha... think i'm going mad... n everytime i attend a wedding... it just makes me feel like quiting my mandune job & be a wedding planner or something. HAIZ.
Wedding is a fairytale... exchanging vows with THE ONE.
shall go phantom my dream wedding theme... but i ever get to haf one....
but till i find THE ONE....
i'm getting sick of passers-by in my life...

2008-04-18T00:26:00.002+08:00

watched the most demented show ever.
geez. but yah... all notty boys out there should receive that sort of treatment.
-
the difference between guys n gals is feelings & emotion attachment
-
shall reflect on my life
-
shall get started on getting a new job
-
shall get started on researching abt further studies
-
dislike empty promises
-
i dun take some things easily.
-
the most painful and things that affect one most is from the subconscious mind
-
not built to be a player
-
tml marks the end to my so blardy lousy week
-
my type of guys are alwiz the wrong type
-

2008-04-16T22:23:00.002+08:00

so bloody pissed off.
i can't believe i get told off for talking to the other team people. and wat more it's not like i'm inceessantly talking.. and when i talk it's not like i'm away from my seat n not working. there's something called multi-tasking.. listening to other's talk n inputting a lil of my thots from my seat. Yes i do agree that once in awhile we do gather ard for a lil chit chat session but it never goes past like 5 10 mins. N we only do it when we are free. N help... we r in no way neglecting our work. when we haf tons of work.. we are all buried in our desk n all. Geez.. i is simply can't understand wat's wrong wif these higher management. For the first time management isn't happy that fellow teams are close to each other. It has almost become quite ridiculous in my opinion when everyone is trying to building good working relationships with each other.
N if in her opinion her idea of builiding relationship is like what she does it, i would haf rather not build any relationships. I seriously hope one day she will realize that she has not buiild good relationship but rather a kind of relationship where pple will brush her aside n they'll just do anything to get her out of the way.
N i guess if u want to stop me from talking. the basic rule is not to alwiz let me see u chatting at someone else's desk or in the toilet or in the pantry wif the good friends for ages. disappearing for ages. that seeams a lot more disruptive to your work. What more... being a smart person.. i sincerely believe that you should know what's information sharing & u haf just tarnish your name. And having someone else looking out for u isnt going to work coz realize... we can recognise n see the evil twins in the act.
N wat's more annoying is that she insinuated that i've fucking free n not working n not helping out wif the team. Well... u frigging design that role & all the blardy talk abt ownership... who dares pass ard tasks without u knowing...
WTF
damn pissed.
anyway i must thank her for spurring me on to blardy get my ass out of this place since most pple are leaving as well. Much as i quite like the pple n the culture n the place... something seriously has to be done on the mgmt level n pple mgmt skills....
my life goes on... i can't decide if i should just piss her off further n continue talking or just shut my ass u. I swear the lack of attnetion that she's getting is majorly contributing to this shit...

2008-04-15T21:08:00.002+08:00

thanks to the gahment for giving me some additional shopping money... but at the rate i shop i think the gst credits are not even enough. hahaha...
-
day 2 of my cold turkey. doing fine so far... will hang in there...
-
well... dun understand why no one believes i haf no other half.. even someone whom barely knows me.. other than hi and bye... zzzz
-
n why no one believes that i can cook
-
conincidences haf been happening way too much.. wat i think n say alwiz seems to happen
1) kept bumping into someone's bf
2) said that i need to visit feng shui shi to wade off all the suayness in work & indeed this week has been quite suay... looks like i need the feng shui shi
3) turned on the tv channel n saw designer cum stylist on the show... interesting and good that he's doing well. how conincidental
4) took the train n on the escalator home i saw an ex colleague on the train... even more random
many conincidences but i can't recall...
oh well.. i hope my guesses n all are all right... and will turn out right... hmmm...

2008-04-12T09:25:00.003+08:00

fell asleep feeling crap...
with my phone going mad on me
not being able to hang out
reconfirming what i already know
and after 4 hours sleep
nothing has changed...
wake up to crap news and that really does suck
hdd unmountable... data cannot be retrieved!!!!
ALL MY PHOTOS... N MUSIC.
ARGH.
super duper ultra sian... that's for sure....
nothing has been going my way of late...
electronics are one by one breaking down
love life has been messed up
body is messed up as well....
nothing is going right...
and is this the time of the year where everything comes back to haunt u..
n when it just plunge to rock bottom....

2008-04-10T01:34:00.003+08:00

i realize i can't live without my lappy. or rather internet. feels so handicapped.
anw resolution for this year.. though i know one quarter of the year has lapsed by.... and some long term goals...
1) Save $15000 for this year (not too sure how i'm going to do that but yes i will attempt)
2) Get my MRS or maybe some other cooler upcoming car by 26
3) Get my own house... a 1+1 by 28
This does sound like a big plan that requires tons of cash... looking at a pool of $70K and prolly some other help in btw. And why does a rec of my accounts not give any hint that i am 10% there.... Geez... Time to buck up.
Ciaoz for now...

2008-04-05T12:23:00.002+08:00

home is where we all will return to at the end of the day.

so where is your home?

the home to your soul

2008-04-01T23:28:00.002+08:00

it's all messed up inside.

can't figure which one is in first place in the league table.

slowly but surely one has crept its way up to the top

but the other is not far behind.

to sum it all.. i want to be the ultimate winner.

period.

happy april's fool!

stupid boss play a prank on me via my own email. all thanks to me forgetting to lock my comp when i left the desk.

zzzz...

2008-04-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

in my favourite venice. is that a monster me i see??? OMG.

2008-03-31T00:21:00.002+08:00

went back to sn on sat... brought back a lot of memories but yet it couldn't fully experience what we used to experience. It wasn't so bad when I went back 2 years after graduation but now somehow the whole school atmosphere just felt so different.

the school doesn't seem like the sch we used to know.. the sch we used to be brought up in.

it was shocking to see so many lil boys running ard our funfair.. some pretty not so decent guys.. & how some gals dress pretty much in spag tops n stuff which never was once allowed within the compounds of our sch.

maybe we've left the school for so long that so much has changed.

and maybe coz of the funfair.. all the pianos & all the mirrors that used to be sprawling ard the compound seem to have gone into hiding.

& somehow the spirit in school seem a lil different from how it used to be back then.

a lot has changed since we left.

the culture, the teachings, the spirit & maybe even the 'upbringing' part.

the only consolation i guess was that the physical building of the schools & the rooms remain the same all these 8 years since we graduated. some familiar teachers still remain seated at where they used to. and i guess the thing we looked forward to on our usual return is to see xiao zhang. the only difference now is that we no longer can hear her all powerful n almighty voice thru the sound system calling us bao bei. It's funny how we used to think it's so cheesy n all. but it's that very thing that made the whole sch feel like one big family n the very thing we miss most n remember about our sch days. I miss how she had that kind of power to keep all us lil monkeys in control... from P1 kids to sec 4 kids... how we used to dance the family dance & mass dance. N i miss how we will collectively sing 'ai wo ai wo shen ni ge la' & start swaying as a sch towards the music & how if we were in different parts of the sch we would haf just all ran to the field to gather to the music. Now they sing some songs which we don't know... oh wait... in fact no one sang other than those on the field. Somehow it just hit me in the heart. it was kind of a painful feeling in the heart that the younger generation in the school no longer are able to experience the spirit we had back in those days. I guess the presence of our VP didn't help much though i must say she did bridge the gap of now n then with the prayer in chinese & everyone saying our father in chinese.

The spirit of our family culture resides in my heart now and forever. The voice of our dearest xiao zhang will ring in my head & how i miss us being her bao beis. whatever it is... i'm still proud to say i'm from SN. And the gracians i know will forever be the gracians i know back then.. no matter how much we have grown through these years.....

2008-03-27T13:39:00.001+08:00

OUT OF WARDROBE SPACE!

OUT OF HANDBAG SPACE!

O.M.G.

H-E-L-P

2008-03-27T02:20:00.002+08:00

so i said i'll blog about the stupid prata shop @ beloved gardens.

Friend: 1 kosong for each of us

Bung: minimum order is 2 pratas each

Me (in my head): Huh?

Bung: my boss say must each person order 2 pratas

Me (in my head): HUH HUH? WTF

Friend ended up ordering 3 pratas for 'himself' & asking for a side plate.. meaning i got my 1 single kosong which otherwise i wouldn't have gotten without having to order another prata.

Great isn't it. How we just go about bending the 'rules'?

It's pretty ironical but hell... it's quite a laugh.

Sidetracking... i'm missing someone more than i thot i would.

2008-03-26T23:00:00.002+08:00

the motivation to stay on this current place is dwindling.

the potential monetary benefits of a full year worth of bonus doesn't seem enough to sustain the exodus of the colleagues whom i hang ard most.

n i guess if i put an end to everything... there really is no motivation to stay on...

pls give me a sign...

2008-03-23T03:18:00.001+08:00

will it all be enough for you to do something abt it?

will fight on for this one...

2008-03-22T11:40:00.002+08:00

yes i'm back to my late night days

but the only diff is that i dun get home hammered like i used to

n that's wat u dun realize.

so just give me a break.

a break from that name & what you believe is the seemingly associated 'lifestyle'

i dunno how am i suppose to 'forget' this person if the name just goes on n on and how we have this unspoken understanding of this person without even having the name spelt out.

well done.

on something i read & kinda remembered

'Rat - together with a Monkey will cause an insane relationship'

i dunno how to make out what this really means.

but it's crazy enough & this statement does hold.

2008-03-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

*annoyed*

One, in the first place if u already know something then I figured it's basic rule one of THE higher up one to give a brief of that item and rule two, give a detailed and proper training checklist or something. Well, unless u are as new to this as a new fry, you are pardoned. But sad to say, NOT. Two, without anything concrete in place n not finding out what's happening out there isn't very helpful to a newbie trying to pick up something new. Three, do not ask questions that are beyond us. Yes I agree it's a good to know and what makes you think we have not thought about it. But somethings i believe it's still beyond any of us. If not, we won't be sitting where we will be and getting the nothing-to-boast-off paycheck. Four, sending someone to learn but yet getting someone else to do the training doesn't reflect on 1) the person who went to learn (and that's fine by me since i don't have the confidence to train and even if i did, i wouldn't mind the more technical person to teach) 2) on yourself as the higher up. And in the first place, you had already someone in mind to do the technical training so I wonder why I try to put in so much effort to sort things out and make things as clear as I can get & sorting through the mess of haphazard information that was bestowed on me. But that's fine by me. coz I believe i've learnt invaluably through the process of seeking my own learning resources, sorting my own information and thoughts out. Five, if u dun seem keen and interested coz you already know, don't waste my time. I believe not everyone else is on the same standing as you. So if pure intentions is to question my knowledge and how much 'work' and 'effort' i've put in instead of the fun you've heard out of me, I believe that can be taken out with me alone without confusing another poor soul who hasn't stuck the hands in the mess. On the contrary, I have to admit that I have not done my full due diligence on the other product. But then again, when i tried to do my due diligence, the response i get, "it's the opposite of the other thing". Well done. Well said. I've been nice enough to not give you that answer as I believe that half of the world would have given you that. I dun blame half the world for giving me that answer coz I believe half the world has yet to figure it out totally themselves. And well, it's suggestive that it's the totally opposite. N it doesn't help that I get thrown that item only on the day when I was about to leave. What can I question or ask more? That should have been the hw to be done before flying me over. Six, I believe as one of the shit diggers, I should be highly involve in senior mgmt discussions at least when it comes to this matter. Well, i keep you in the loop but why do I not see myself being kept in the loop nor the other lowers kept in the loop? I have to keep asking n wondering and upon asking only to discover that some things have been discussed among the highers. Hey, the caste system won't work well yah.

To sum it up, I'm not hard up on this trip. It's no fun for me & I had to play wif shit. It only seems fun coz I make sure I had some fun & simple pleasures of indulging in other's pple work culture which higher doesn't condon off. Neither do I. But like the saying goes... when u live in rome, do what the romans do. To others who might look in envy of this trip, there's nothing to be envious about, not esp when working wif higher. Better off paying for your own tix & go there for the weekend or going there for training course.

i know technical reads this. i dun blame you or anything. I just think it's the problem of the mgmt. I'm thankful for the help i've got from technical n relateds. And all the whining they got from me. And well, it's never easy teaching someone with totally no finance in the blood.

Thanks to all who has heard me whine. Prolly think i'm just a whiner but well there are some small things which impacts me much. I am already little, belittling even further doesn't help at all. Some day I know I will thank you for all these 'training' BUT for now, it annoys me. For the moment, I can only whine n suck it up, poke u back when i can but yet give you that smile. Pretencious as it may seem, that's life. N that's more like surviving in the corporate world.

2008-03-05T07:21:00.003+08:00

i should never underestimate my ability to shop.

haha...

& yes... means i have not enough luggage space...

YET AGAIN

i alwiz happens when i travel. geez.

assuming i get a month's bonus... i think i've exhausted it.

haha...

long champs & marc

2008-03-04T06:08:00.000+08:00

i dun want to go home.

i wanna stay home!

blehz.

glad to know this bunch n drinks n ramble...

haha..

beer works wonders

n i'm sure to head home wif a beer belly...

2008-03-03T06:53:00.002+08:00

i am glad i went for exchange the last time.

it has made me a pretty independent person.

i'll prolly do a lot of things that some would never do.

maybe i'm really made to roam the world.

i've no qualms abt being away from home.

away in a foreign land alone.

doing things alone.

i guess i'm just a rather detached person.

or maybe just carefree....

2008-02-29T16:03:00.000+08:00

there are days where u just wish u were student.

snuggled under your warm sheets.

telling youself, it's ok i'll give this lecture a miss.

but that's a luxury of a student.

i so wish i was still under the warmth of my sheeets....

2008-02-29T05:45:00.003+08:00

late nite shopping... haha... n i'm once again damaged...

i shop in all currencies. & that sucks.

can't blame...

i'm deprived of H&M, Berskha, Bik Bok and such brands back home. Not to mention... the top shop here is HELL OF A SIZE. My god. All the shoes, the clothes, the JACKETS *droolz*, the bags, the accessorize. They even have a candy bar & a cafe & nice sofas. MY MY MY.... One of a kind. I'm lovin' it. Shops that are one of a kind big... 3 floors high.

i think i've gotten myself a shopaholic reputation. less than a week & all knows i love to shop. Geez.. I like this one 'is there no shops in sg?' Haha.. Well... singaporeans basically indulge in eating n shopping (for the girls). wat else is there to do? n oh plss... wat are sg shops compared to here? I dun haf 3 floors of nike, zara, mango, gap. just to name the brands that we haf back home. wat more brands we dun haf. oxford street wif the perpendicular regent street. haha.. i've pretty much wiped them out. keke... n even the streets ard my office. Who said u can't shop when u r on biz trip. It just takes more trips to cover the streeets. fwahaha...

anw purpose of this blog is for the entertainment of my colleagues... i think duo yi dian must be so bored to sms me at this hour ie 945pm in ldn to ask if i wanted to grab a drink or 2. pretty evident by his alwiz wanting to organise dinner for those who are here. geez.

2008-02-28T04:43:00.002+08:00

i really hope they din think i was joking...

i was dead serious even though i used the slightly joking tone...

can't blame me.

i dun want any unhappiness...