life's a one way road

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

was watching tong xin yuan earlier in the nite... Though it's like another zhen qing kind of show... i kinda like watching it... n there's nothing wrong with catching channel 8 drama serials... it's the small lil things in the show that makes reel life relate to real life. It's things that can happen in our everyday lifes... such a true reflection of pple... reflection of our family n friends n other halves. Sometimes u watch drama n laugh at the lil idiosyncrasy of it... but if u take a step back... u realise these are the exact same things tt are happening to u... or to the pple ard u... Anw it's alwiz nice to see the story have a nice n pretty ending... more often than not... shows alwiz haf a happy ending... pple like happy endings... who doesn't? dun we all wish for our lives to ultimately haf a happy ending? But we would never realize that it's a happy ending... maybe until ya death bed... or maybe when ya hair is all white... I've alwiz admired couples that stuck together... thru thick n thin... till their hairs are white... all the way to the end.. and ard them are their lil grandchildren running n bouncing ard. My church used to haf this old couple who would hold hands even though they are how old.... N how the wife would hold on to the slightly less alert husband... how the husband seem so non-chalent but yet he still looks out for her thru the side of his eyes or in some other small ways... It's just a sweet sight... sometime i wish i could attain when i reach their age.
Anw was watching one of the key characters... how this couple went thru a lot... how the guy isn't like any ordinary guy... oh wellz... n finally they ended up getting married. It's sweet. It only set my mind thinking... couples like them went thru ups n downs... n ultimately get together... i would say it's a feat... coz not everyone can endure all these... along the way somehow there would be a breaking pt... But then again... i dun understand how some can still break after enduring thru soo much together? Dun all those things that they've gone thru together mean anything to them? or are they just going to be the past? Sidetracking... a gal looks her best in bridal gal... So pwetty... I want a white wedding! best if it's at ice chapel! with snow n all... Haha... Lala... me n my white..... oh wellz...
Then another qn popped up... Is it worth it to wait for someone whom u hold so dearly to ya heart... but to him... u r just another gal... or maybe u duno wat u r to him... but u know he's moved on with someone else... Is it worth the wait? Is it the love that u haf for him that keeps u waiting? Or is it the memories of both of u that keeps u waiting? or is it just the lil delusion u put yaself thru? Or is it how u alwiz pictured yaself with him in future n still bear that hope? or is it that he's ya most ideal guy? or is it just wanting him tt keeps u waiting? What makes u want to wait? Wat if one day... u stare into the mirror n realize u r just an old lady who waited for nothing? Wat would kill that lil hope of waiting n getting him back?
Then in the process of waiting... wat if some other guy comes along? A guy who chases u... makes u feel loved again... would u accept him? Well... i won't... tt only makes it a rebound... But wat if a guy comes along... n u find yaself caring n looking out for him that lil bit... would u go for it? Give up ya wait n try to work things out? Try to work things out n still haf that lil hope burning in u while u slowly try to exttinguish it? Or would u just continue and wait?

Oh wellz... been a pretty good gal of late... domesticated in fact. I guess coz i dun feel like going out... dun feel like spending my moolah... not in the mood to club... n i dun need to run anymore... i dun really need things to occupy my mind as i used to need somewhile back... I can just laze n home n not feel damn sick abt tt... only reminds me of wat this friend told me... breaking up is just merely returning to the state u were in... a state where u spent at least more than 10 yrs in... so wat's the big deal abt it? He might just be right... home is the best place i can be in... a place that i'll miss in the months to come... i'll miss my room.. my bed.. my bedside companions... sofie n smelly n my mogu n my chow chow pillows n bolsters n my thick blanket...

The past are meant to remain in the past. quotes min...
So true... but we can't totally forget the past or stay indifferent abt it... u can't wipe out the past esp all the memories... no matter how much u try to... it's more of how u move along n live ya current life... it's like building ya current life on top of the past. tt's wat i learnt from him... much as u may hate ya other's half past... much as ya new half may haf memories n feelings of the past... it's all past... and there's a reason why they r urs now... (but i dun discount the fact tt some may treat the new one as a rebound)... it's now how 2 pple try to live their current lives built on their past...

sun sets @ 12:36 AM

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