life's a one way road

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Yippee... woooo.... happy like bird!!! *does the chicken dance* haha... yes the duck doing the chicken dance... When we watching chicken little?!?!?
HAHA... 2 down...1 more paper to go...
but yet i'm still so happy...
so happy that i'm leaving traces on pple's blog... Eheeheee....
and i haf no mood to mug for the last and final paper...
the last and final paper that might be able to rescue my GPA this term...
Haha... Oh well... 1 grade is out but i REFUSE to check...
SO what if i check?
chances that i'm not happy with the grade and so
If i'm not happy with the grade, wat can i do?
ll and suck thumb or i can appeal...
BUT i won't... appeal for wat?

The end is finally in sight...
Snow is in sight too...
The smell of winter is drifting closer to my nose...
And i smell moolah coming my way too...
Lalala...

Shar wants to go orchard and look at x'mas lightings!!!
and take pix! and just bask in the x'mas mood!
Did that last yr... and i want to do it again this yr...
Anyone ups for that?
And dun give me the crap that my sch is in town so i should be sick of it
but u know what?!?!
SMU is in town... BUT i hafn't really walked to my so-called main orchard...
and suddenly i want to go BEANIE shopping...
Buy all those pretty beanies...
I want a pastel blue beanie... a white one...
n take stupid pix with beanies...
Lalaa...

Conclusion of this blog entry:
Ethics make me crazy!
Dead pple's writings can't be reproduce by an alive person like me.
Alive pple (*pts to self*) produce their own crap...
And so maybe next time the next generation would be learning them...
Sorry to the next generation if there is going to be a philisophy called Shar's theory...
I din mean for my crap to be worthy of ya learning...
hmm.. or maybe my crap would be used as negative examples! Muahaha... Highly likely...

Now off to bond, bonds, bonded, bonding, bondage!

~crappy shit signs off

sun sets @ 6:15 PM

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*lost* *defeated* sighz... been losing the battle against the zzz monster... I officially slept like duno how many godzilla hours despite it being the exam week... The depressant consumed at the chillout at timbre + the rain, a catalyst, tore me down to my dreamland at 1am... and a wonderful headache kept me in bed till 9am this morning... And my ethics text did another brillant job at drifting me to visit the dear philosophiers at a beautiful island called lala land. When i finally got myself out of bed... it was already 10+. Muahaha... 2 hours to finish mugging ethics... but guess wat... i really haf no interest in reading all those dead man's crap... So i've officially given up on ethics... I'm going in to the exam hall to write alive's man (no. make it woman's) crap. Haha... Why live in the past when u can live in present? Muahaah... yes u r reading wat a loser is writing... haha... Can't wait for the darn exams to be over... the exams is giving me tons of headache everyday.... n popping panadol seems like the only solution... Haiz... And i've resorted to panadol actifast for instant action... but apparently... it's just all a marketing gimick.... Ethics... social corporate responsibility? BULLSHIT!
Anw... i wonder if u r sad... or is it ya heart-missing-someone-speaking? Oh wellz... not that it concerns me... But yar...

sun sets @ 11:44 AM

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Dun feel like chatting nor mugging... Just feel like writing... duno what i want to write about... i guess it's just going to be a lot of random stuff... it's been a long time since i've had a opinionated conversation... This is sooo going to be random...
Will you remember my birthday? or rather Do you even remember that i'll be celebrating my 21st in 12 days time? Do you even remember of my existence or am i just another forgotten person in your life? I'm sure i won't be forgotten... just denied... i know i won't be forgotten... i'm so sure of that... bcoz i can comprehend with how you feel... But do you even know what i'm like now? coz i dun know... Will there be a day that you'll be back in my life? or haf you left for good... the sudden but yet silent departure. I barely remember anything... It gets hazy-er by the day... Memories of you get covered by the dust, layer by layer until it no longer can be seen. Maybe it's better this way... it's all about balance.
Okie... no more writing juices... back to ethcis... i wished i could type my exam n not write n let my fingers suffer.... haha... well... i know of at least 3 pple who can comprehend my writing... but i only know 1 who subscribes to this blog... that means it's time for u to leave my mark here!!!

sun sets @ 3:47 PM

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my life is B.O.R.I.N.G. OMG... I need some E.X.C.I.T.E.M.E.N.T!!! Sheesh... someone pls inject some excitement into my life... sighz... I've really turned to a full fledge boring student... I can't believe... And i can't believe my sooo healthy lifestyle of late.... I need som EXCITEMENT... repeat after me... E-X-C-I-T-E-M-E-NT! Argh.... I've metamorphorized from the clubber at the start of the term... to a chao mugger at the end of the term. OMG... Angel can't remain an angel for long... Remained guai for the longest ever... 1 month... 2...3....4....5... and counting.... sheesh... no wait... i'm a fallen angel... and a fallen angel can never get her wings repaired... it's too drenched in sorrow n tainted by the devil's blood.... I crave to sip from the devil's cup... *flashes my vampire teeth*

-results of trying to be ethical-

sun sets @ 12:40 PM

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This is the result of flipping for more than an hour in bed... My eyes are tired but my brains refuse to stop moving... My brain is planning all sorts of after exam plans... and i still haf 2 more papers to go.... *smacks my brain* Should be thinking of ethics or fixed income... but no it's thinking of after exam plans... Gosh...

Anw outcome of the 1 hours of massive brain juice excretion... I've decided that i'll celebrate my bday! 21st Birthday! How many more times after this magical 21st do you get to celebrate ya bday? Besides, i haven't really thrown a bday party before. It will be a purely friends party... no family... and why? coz my whole family is overseas... from grandparents to aunties... Haha... But i still duno wat to do.. and where to hold it... but within my scope... to hold it on sat or on sun which the actual day... hmmm... hopefully got a stayover.. Muahhaha.... i can only think of the guest list... Let's see....
From SMU who are possibly ard n not on BSM (haha)... SK5+1, OBS grp mates, section 7 facis, bonduers-old comm n some of the new comm, closer biz camp comm, some biz camp facis, some random friends-paul, egg n gf, ivan n more.
From SN... my fellow gracians who are left on this tiny island.
From VJ... S12s (hmm... should i) but definitely there's ahao, mel, shar... ken, justin, Zhe houng
From HC... Kev, mich, n the rest of them... gene
More random friends: Leon
hmm... haf i missed out anyone? Seems like a lot of pple though... one linked to the other... haiz... BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?! ok... i may just forego the whole party thingy since i'm lazy to plan n contact pple... Sheesh... Maybe i'll just haf lil dinners with the different grp... hmm... or forget abt it all... Haha... Now back to attempting to slp... i feel like i'm talking to myself... sheesh...

-xiao char bo @ rants

sun sets @ 4:33 AM

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I'm F.A.T! but guess wat... as i'm typing this... i'm still munching on kettle chips... honey flavoured... Okie... i'm soooo grow FAT... OVERWEIGHT... just like how i used to be when i was a kid... (shall a post of pix of fat shar when i find it)... Haha... And my nice friend still loaded me with more food so that i can munch as i attempt to study tonite... Like argh... Okiez... back to mugging... or continue to think of all my lil fairytale fantasies... thanks to the earlier conversation that got my mind thinking of that... HAha... Let me live in my fairytale land! I'll be the happiest gal on this earth!
-fat gal signing off-

sun sets @ 1:29 AM

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Monday, November 28, 2005

You crept into my dreams again. Or did i crept into yours too? You were so close... Just so close.... I could feel you breathing... I could feel you... Feel you so close... but yet i know you are so far... You were just so close... I could feel ya warmth... smell ya scent... I lay there motionless like a sick baby... you peeped over the bed. You tiptoed forward as you saw me soundly aslp... came over and stroked my face... I mumbled and you humoured me... i could hear your voice distinctively... that deep voice that i haven't heard for ages but yet i could still hear it ringing in my mind... the words of care and concern which you never show anymore... the words which would warm my heart. Hands stretched as I held on to you and hugged you like I alwiz did... you moved so i could lie comfortably... Lay so close to you and snuggle in ya arms... I could almost see your face and feel your touch as you hugged me... But yet it's all so empty... I couldn't recognize those clothes you were wearing but i can recognize your smell and touch. That's enough... Everything seemed so real to be a dream... and stupid me had to check if i was in a dream. And indeed it was all nothing but a dream. You seemed to have returned to me but yet i saw her in some other part of my dream too... Your return seemed so unreal... one of a fickle man of doesn't know what he wants. A return which i don't want... a return which is so unreal... a return that i can only dream about coz i know that that day would never come.
I'm not upset like i would have been in the past. I just smile for feeling loved in my dream. That's abt the best thing that can happen.... Muz be all the lack of slp... or the medicine that's getting to me...

sun sets @ 4:37 PM

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In the midst of mugging... some entertainment provided by the AFA-A wannabe... Muahaha... Quite interesting... Haha... Check it out while u take a break from mugging :) http://www.okcupid.com/oktest3

The Wild RoseRandom Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf)

Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.
Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling. You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.
Your exact opposite:The Dirty Little SecretDeliberate Gentle Sex Master
The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone. "You're never truly single as long as you have yourself."
ALWAYS AVOID: The Bachelor
CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail.

sun sets @ 1:15 AM

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

*covers eyes n not look at some disguisting nicks* Haha.... give me sore eyes only... Blehz...
*yells* I just made the biggest discovery!!!! My darn HCM paper is in the morning... not the afternoon! Shessh... duno how come i was under the impression that it's in the afternoon... That means i'm soooo dead... i still haf 5 more chapters to gooooooo.... And my plans to go mug something else is shattered... *sobz* But nonetheless...Thank goodness i checked! But i guess it's good.. early finish then can mug for my other paper.... Sighz... Counting down the hours... Sheesh...

sun sets @ 6:26 PM

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Things alwiz happen at the wrong time... Much as i would love to be the friend i can be... to be there for u when u needed me... but sometimes it's just so hard... I really hate the exams. It makes me feel so helpless. The books dun love me... neither do i love them... it's a mutaul feeling... And there's so many things i want to do... so many things to plan for. And seems like mummy is going to allow my first trip overseas with my friends! But now it's the money issue... Haiz... I want to travel... but yet i want to buy soo many things... It's going to be a trade off i guess... One of the other... "yuan de bu neng na" land... i maybe coming ya way... (dun sue me... i'm not racist!)
Good luck to all going under the chopping board tml! Our misery will end soon. After that we can all go play until we go crazy... For those going BSM... happy mugging n packing at the same time... Enjoy ya trip! BSM China pple... i want donald duck stuff from disneyland(the place i've been dreaming of going with...my lil fantasy)!

A song i loved from a yr back...
A song that reminds me of the mugging period 2 terms back...
A song that played as we mugged at biz lobby...
A song that kept me company thru the faithful nite/morning...

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me
you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak
It's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

sun sets @ 3:25 PM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, November 26, 2005

words that i find it hard to speak... but can only pen as thots flood my mind...
would u be upset if i told u a part of me still misses someone?
would u blame me for it? would u feel less?
so many things unspoken... not a part of u that wants to know?
where are we heading to? when i'm down, i'm running in circles, circles that i can't seem to outrun... when i'm ok, i'm moving forward.
what do you want out of this?
do u know wat i want? coz a part of me knows yet a part still doesn't. i duno wat u want.
would things be the same a week from now? would things be the same next yr? would things be the same when i come back?
would i change when i come back? a happier gal... a gal who's more open to letting u walk in more easily.
would i haf my prayer answered?
So many questions... but where's the answers? The books are making my mind think... but think abt the wrong things. or is the depressive exam side of me surfacing more n more... n i guess it doesn't help when u aint here... Absoluteeee Boredom... Criessss.....Depressssiveeeeeee.... Exammmsss... Freakkkkkk....Grrrrr.....Helpppp....Idiotttt... Just Killlll moi.... Looooveeeeee....

Sidetracking... lip if u read this... help me check out the prices for nano n ipod video n powerbook n ibook k! Thanks dude... haven't seen u online for sometime... hope u're fine!

sun sets @ 11:45 PM

(1) rays of light

sheesh.... i woke up and stared at my hp... i was up late! 2 hours after the time i intended to wake up... Maybe next time i should set my clock to be 2 hrs before the time i intend to get up. Muahaha... I'm a lazy pig... darn it...

This is me...

Haha... I just wish i could stay in bed all day to slp... But the ironic part is that when the days come where i need not mug... i can't stay in bed to sleep... the restless me will find something to do... rather go out... Haha... Seems like my hols plans are starting to firm me. Muahah... Good... i love it when there are things to do... things to preoccupy my mind... Lala...
3rd Dec... i can't wait for you to come... PARTY PARTY PARTY! We'll drink n dance everything off! But 11th Dec dun come pls... coz i dunno wat to do... And i've never liked the day of my birthday... 1) coz i hardly celebrate by throwing parties 2) no one to celebrate with coz everyone is usually overseas... darn... 3) i'm too lazy to plan. Well... but i would say my most memorable bday was last yr! coz i had so many lil surprises n lil celebrations with my friends... Bonduers, SN babes, and well of coz i made someone promise to spend my bday with me... n i thot he would haf forgotten the promise but he returned back to sg n spend my bday with me... And the nite was just splendid. So wat's going to happen this year? So many pple won't be ard... Sighz... :(

And i've been dreaming off late... Idiotic! Back to mugging...

sun sets @ 12:07 PM

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God has alwiz been nice to me... He relieves my pain in ways that i've never seen before. It's only in a serene nite like this.. with me listening to some nice melodious music that u sit down... calm down n reflect on the lil bits of life. The lil bits of life that pple tend to overlook... forget... n fail to stop n appreciate.
He sends me friends who would talk to me when i'm down...distract me from wat i'm down with... and somehow they all seem to know how to cheer me up... ok... maybe just talking abt anything n everything just makes me happy... easily pleased gal... haha... it's another day/nite where my dear friends like jia... chris... ken... dave... mel... kev... gene who talked to me n kept my mind off stuff... and other random pple who drops me msges to show their concern... Thank you! I really appreciate all that... i'm really fine :). And one day i'll bring back that smile that i used to own....
And juz for u... i trust u la... really... :)
And if God was to grant me a wish... i'll wish for... (shhh... wishes are not to be said *smirk*)

sun sets @ 3:38 AM

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Friday, November 25, 2005

I'm upset... oh wellz... upset that u can sometimes feel ya heart crying... n feel it breaking... I'm just sooo stupid... well those who know why i'm like that prolly think i'm stupid too... those who dun... go read if u can... but if u can't just know i'm being stupid... it's all the exams' fault

Quotes my friend: "tears r shed for ppl we love but also loved us too".. Maybe i should change it to sadness is felt for pple we love but also love us...

... walking alone... a feeling i alwiz feel nowadays... watever...

Back to the qn my mum has been asking... to throw a 21st celebrations or not? shld i?

sun sets @ 10:44 PM

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I can only wake up to cursing and swearing... Not coz of my need to mug... But my inabiility to stay awake. And why can't i stay awake... somehow i can only attribute to the lousy state my body is in...

It's on days like this i wish the other part of my misery-causer could be ard... to be ard just to tell me that everything is/going to be/will be fine, take me to whereever possible i need to go coz i think i really need to go... n that the person will alwiz be there for me at least for some aspects... But guess wat... the person isn't... or rather i never bothered to trouble the person with my personal affairs... not any more... or rather since the person doesn't seem to care why should the person know? Watever... i really feel like cursing n swearing... But i've been silent abt all these..." emedan jag var i kärlek med du, kärlek om den livstid"

sun sets @ 1:38 PM

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A more fruitful day despite my earlier cursing n swearing of wanting to give up... But thanks to all the friends who chatted with me along the day... That's enough to brighten up my day. I love all my friends... Friends who talk to me... Joke with me... Motivate me... Suffer along with me... So much that it takes my mind off sooo many things... I guess u are right to say that it doesn't matter anymore... or wat happens on the other world shouldn't matter to me... But ultimately u still know me best to know wat's on my mind... Though i deny it.

And for once I've seen sooo many stars in the sky... The whole sky was nothing but stars... It's really a rare sight in S'pore... It's the first time i saw it... Maybe i'm suaku... or maybe it's been a darn long time since i went to the beach at nite... It's just sooo romantic by the beach at nite... Just hear the lashing of the waves... see the stars n bask in the moonlight... It feels different when u r there with ya love one and when u r there with a bunch of friends. It's an experience to be there with 2 polish guys... another guy n me. Talked abt all sorts of things... shared our opinions... somewhat like cultural exchange. One of the polish is quite cute... but he's taken. Darn... how come all the guys i think is cute are all taken? Haha... Some kind of more serious topic... we ended up with crappy topic n the most well-loved topic: SEX. Muahaha... and yes... SEX is a lifestyle n it's an exercise... n it's healthy... (read knowledge that it burns lots of calories... ) haha... Nothing wrong with that yar... N it's healthy to talk abt it... no reason to shun away from that topic... We live in a rather open, liberal society wat... (underage cousin ignore the above) And we went on to the topic of being horny since they were 2 deprived polish... haha... yar... so essentially... being horny and wanting it from whoever that person constitutes two different issues too... and u can't haf something that that person doesn't want to give u... haha... Anw they r nice pple to hang out with... funny n friendly... will visit u guys next time n we'll go ski n go moscow!!!

Terms of the nite: SPG (apparently they are hot in demand... maybe i should turn to be one... Haha), FYL, PPG which has 2 meanings... APG... back to mugging... haha...

sun sets @ 2:25 AM

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

I GIVE UP!

Give up...
trying to mug
trying to focus on my books
trying to drag myself out of bed
trying to keep awake
trying to fight the germs/virus
trying to seem fine when sometimes i'm not
trying to make things happen
trying to make myself happy when i'm not
trying to not think abt stuff
trying to be oblivious...

everything should just happen as they are suppose to... since i'm a believer that our lives have been plotted out for us... we just have to choose which path we want to take.

~once again you crept into my dreams... shoo.. n leave...

sun sets @ 12:35 PM

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

it's one of those days when this thing called "sian" hits u... the worst part is u seem to know why u are sian but yet on the other hand u seem to not be able to pinpoint that watever seems to be the direct cause of ya sian-ness.... it's just one of those days... prolly it's me getting old... n getting grouchy from the lack of slp... 12 hrs of slp in 3 days... n it's lagi sian that chilling out session is cancelled today... Grrrz... Nvm... after exam we'll go chiong.. Muahaha... Right? Yes? No?
Dun feel like mugging since my brain is not receptive to anything i'm reading... Apparently my brain doesn't seem so receptive nowadays... It's like dead... or stagnant... dormant... just like the person...and neither do i feel like writing... but then i'm writing this... which will be of crap... prolly just a way of trying of de-sianizing... Haha...
Think i've become a homely gal of late. Or rather this term i feel more like a student.... Staying in sch to mug (yes, ahao shar mugging in sch), spending more time in sch for watever reason, going home after sch... Yes... so unlike last term. I miss a lil of my last term's lifestyle though... But nowadays i'm just too lazy to find pple to go out with me... N i'm lazy to go out with my stuff... starting to fell a lil mountain tortoise... Time to start going out again...

Topic of the day in our mugging gsr: kinds of guys... which was triggered off from how boring guys can be esp when they give monosyllabic ans rather than ans that can involve this word "conversation"... seems like there's been an evolution in the meaning of the word conversation in the eyes of guys. And to the guys reading this blog... Do not ask us to tell or rather teach u wat to say in response to wat we say... coz if we do... 1) it won't be YOUR response which is the very reason of having a conversation: to find out abt wat u think of something, 2) we might as well just talk to ourselves... 自问自答... 3) this is no model ans to wat we say... just that giving mono ans irritate the shit out of us... it's like after ya response wat should i reply? okie... back to wat i wanted to say...(and if u duno wat i'm talking abt... there r prolly only 2 reasons: 1) u r not part of the grp 2) u r beyond hope... okie maybe there's 3... which is i'm not making any sense)
So we were complaining that there ain't enough bad guys ard anymore.. or rather suddenly all the guys are turning towards domestication n settling down. It's kinda ironic how the craving for bad boys are on... when awhile back we've all been complaining that there are no good guys ard... I guess... the kind of guys u crave for is partly affected by the guy u r with now/ the guy u want/ the guys u used to date/ the r'ships u see froom ya friends/ yaself/ ya heart/ ya stage in life... n many more... Anw... generalizing guys.. there are only 2 kinds of guys to haf as bf: the husband material kind which would generally be the boring (with part mention to wat's above), stable, steady kinds... or the fling, not-so-serious(in terms of settling down), play play kind of relationship. - end of topic of the day-
Seems like all the desirable guys are all taken... Sighz... haha... it's been a while since i've met a 会做人 or rather more gentlemanly guy. And so wat did a guy do to make me say that? Coz today i sneezed in class n my nose attempted to run... and suddenly this guy sititng next to me just asked if i needed tissue.. Simple thing but u dun see that ard nowadays... nothing big but i thot it was nice of him. Good for his gf to haf such a caring guy. Haha...
Been seeing n hearing abt how nice bfs have been to their gfs for their bday... like how they take so much efforts to surprise their gals with a surprise bday party or by all the sweet things.. And once again i see that in action. Yes... it's like how sweet n touching... *jealous* Haha... *questions myself* when's it going to my turn to experience such sweetness n romance n surprise? Muahaha... should add "again" to the above qn... Had my one chance to experience it the last v-day... *thinks of more to crap abt*
Anw... been thinking abt something... to try or not to try? If u haf failed before n u see no possibilities of succeeding and everything pts towards failure, would u still go for wat u want? would u still try knowing that 99% chance of failure n 1% chance of success n failure would only brings u unhappines?
Shall continue to ponder... over my texts... Haha....

sun sets @ 9:00 PM

(4) rays of light

I survived yesterday!!! YEAH! Haha... But still suffering the effects of the bad tuesday... Really sorry to those who msned me the past few days n din get a reply... or monosyllabic replies... Was busy trying to meet all the deadlines... *drained* End of equities and FIM... Muahaha... and my brain is dead too... and still dead... Had to drag myself out of bed this morning to get my stuff done and head to sch to start my mugging session. Muahaha... yes i'm finally mugging... So everyone else pls start mugging if u haven't started... and if u haf started... mug harder lors... The end of the term is just round the corner. Wheee... And the hols... then the new year and the new term ahead... A brand new term tat is worth looking forward to... Eheehee...

I can smell the winter heading my way... Lala... just like paul said... winter marks the eminent coming of a new beginning... yes i quoted ur line... haha... Okiez... back to mugging though my head feels so heavy...

Made an interesting observation as of late... but i shall not bother abt it... Muahaha...

sun sets @ 5:07 PM

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

This marks the start of my sleepless nites all the way till tues is over. Blehz... I need all the caffeine available, all the brain cells that can be transplanted, all the TLC that can be given... Blehz...

Was talking to my french project grp mate... And my conclusion...
Love transcends all culture. Though it's alwiz been taught that different cultures influences pple in their working style... ethics... perception and all... I'm starting to think that cultures doesn't really affect this thing called love. Two pple in love... whether they are from singapore or from faraway land of france or atlantic... the attitudes towards each other would be the same. Just like... jealousy resides in everyone of us... Yes we can deny that we won't be jealous by our other half's actions with the opposite gender... but somewhere in u... u'll feel it... just that u choose not to say... till the breaking pt comes... Till i observe more abt other cultures relationship... i shall end off here...

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart,
It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew,
I just wanna be with you.

sun sets @ 8:25 PM

(1) rays of light

I've received wat i've been waiting for!!! Yippeeeee...

But then again... am i really that happy? It's transient happiness... There r so many other things that i'm waiting for... things that will never seem to come thru... but i'm still waiting...

Watched the musical twist of fate today! It was good! Amazingly good music... written by dick lee... And very meaningful stuff. And i din know the music was played live! Muahaha... until my ry brought me to the front to see the orchestra there... Muahaha.. I'm suaku i admit! haha...

Celaka... that means bastard... Muahaha... Quotes the show... Darn funny... Some of the stuff said was pretty thot provoking but the lousy brain-ed me can only remember such a lame quite. Haha... But the only thing i remember is that it's so true that pple run away so that they won't get hurt... so no one has a chance to hurt them.... run before someone hurts u... It's like foreseeing a very bleak end when it might not even exist & run before u get to reach there. I'm guilty of that... a few times... n when i decide not to run away... it hits me. So to run or not? Haha..

sun sets @ 2:23 AM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Slept somewhat quite a fair bit today... I wanna go watch movie.. Blehz... But looking back i realize i've watched quite a few movies recently... but i haven't got to watch the ones i wanna watch. Blehz...
I wanna watch...
Just like heaven...
Oliver twist...
Zorro (not so keen)...
chicken lil (found kakis for this)...
pride and prejudice
aeonflux...

6 missed calls...
3 unanswered sms...
1 unanswered msn... which subsequently saw me blocking her...
and counting...
all from my project grp mate who is checking on the status of the report which was due yesterday... n evil me din put her on the cc list.. Muahaha...

what should i do tonite???

sun sets @ 3:59 PM

(0) rays of light

As you move along in life, you meet lots of people... all sorts of people... you get exposed to all sorts of views... topic of conversations vary from the most crappy to the most intelligent. As you move on, you engage in all sorts of relationships: be it bgrs, friendships, project-mates, working relationship. Some of these relationships develop... develop to a stronger friendship... develop into a lovers relationship... but yet there are some that just remain so transient. But yet there are those which started off as something substiantial but ends of being transient. Relationships that flourish over time. I treasure. Relationships that deteriorated over time. I treasure the past, and wonder why things turned out the way they did. Is it me, you or the situation? Watever it is, it takes 2 hands to clap, so much as 1 hand is willing to clap, nothing happens when the other hand refuses to move.

As we all walk in and out of relationships, we learn something new from each relationship that we shut the door on. We discover ourselves better, discover more of wat we want in a relationship and with that we progress do the next, taking the learning pts with us. Sometimes it just feels like it's some "experiential learning" but with emotions involved. But there are also times where we shut the door, knowing wat we want in the next door that we open. And when we decide to open the next door, you just realize that wat u orginally wanted to open the door to doesn't seem to be applicable. You start to lose sight of the path ahead of you as it gets clouded with fog. The fog that seems to beckon you to turn ard n leave and shut the door behind you but yet ur idealistics in the path ahead drive u forward. At the end, you just stay put n wonder wat ya next course of action would be. Maybe you'll just stand put n not think... n watch n wait for the fog to clear or just accumulate. Or maybe when the fog gets too thick n starts to disturb u, moving forward is no longer feasible.. so turning ard is the only way... Or maybe u might just bash thru the fog and reach for a clear path... or u'll just suffocate n die. SO which maybe would u want?

sun sets @ 12:42 AM

(0) rays of light

Friday, November 18, 2005

Back from a nice dinner... Feeling fat all over again... Went to this chinese revolving restaurant at keppel road... Prima Revolving tower restaurant... Haha... The food is good. *slurps* Too bad it was dark everywhere or not i think the view would haf been nice... But then again... it's "strategic" location near PSA wouldn't make the view any spectacular... Hmm... Maybe that's the place where pple go for working lunch... esp those who wanna convince pple to stop over at PSA n park their stuff there! HAHA...

Finally FIM report is done! Woohoo... Though it was overdue. Anw did something mean... Sent the mail to the prof but left the exchange gal out of the cc list. Hopefully the prof would notice :P Muz thank my partner-in-crime for bao-ing a large part of the report. Somehow it's alwiz both of us bao-ing projects. Blehz. Glad it's over... Finally can catch some decent slp tonite before pia-ing for equities. And yes... i was so tired last nite that i was delirious. It's a feeling worst than being drunk. Din know wat i was talking abt... dun even remember wat happen... only knew i was talking on the phone. Haha...

sun sets @ 11:31 PM

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Realize that the exams are not over n i haf many plans all ready for after exams! Haha.. *happy* To those involved in my after exam plans... make sure everything falls thru...

3rd Dec: After exam celebration with chris & recruiting
Chicken little movie with jia, esther n the rest (maybe?) on monday after exams
Drinking session with iv
Drink-till-u-drop with section 7 facis
Drink-till-u-drop with chris
Sentosa with gals
Makan session with gals @ ecp/crab
Choc Buffet!

In the midst of deciding...deliberating

21st bday celebration
SK5+1 x'mas party?
Bondue x'mas party?
Gracian x'mas party/meet up
trip to genting/KL with jm, lp... to ask sc n jo
Trip to KL/BK with chris, ritch, sy,min & eil

sun sets @ 1:43 AM

(0) rays of light

Harry potter marks the end of my day but it doesn't make the end of my sleepless night. Still got to rush FIM report. Sighz. Thanks goodness HCM is all over. The dread n the chore is over. The only consoling fact is that Ms Chia said we did a pretty good job. Sheesh... All the time n all spent on it. Oh wellz... But my gian-ness towards the project died towards the end. Prolly just got sooo sick of seeing it... That drove me to a lil irresponsibility trait out of me. Went to chill out at Timbre with chris, rith, min n jas. I wouldn't say it was time wasted. It was good time off from work. Take my mind off that... N when i went back to doing it that nite... things just flowed.
Question of the nite: "How can u stand hanging out with XXX?" Ans to that: i really duno... Though it hurts n still does through all sorts of actions, somehow some part of me just let things go... forgive n forget. As long as u dun mean real harm to me, i'll just be that happy-go-lucky person n put everything behind. It's the path XXX chose. It's XXX's life. Choices r reflective of self so i guess i just know XXX better.
Anw it's amazing how a common friend just lost the name n is just deemed as "my friend". Haha... I'm not dumb. I know... Gut feelings tell me so too. Haha... But it occurs too often for me to feel anything anymore.
Can barely keep the eyes open...

sun sets @ 1:31 AM

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

the first email sent at 1.17am
-----------------------------------
Hi Shar and all,

This is v5 of our report!

Shar, could you edit the cons of outsourcing cos I think you would understand better what its written there. (i wrote this n u want me to edit?!?!)
N plus kind me with the implications part too got kinda lost midway..... Help me continue editing from there. (if u got lost halfway can u imagine the state of the report when i started working on it)
Read the comment i posted also. N we need to come up with a power conclusion and stand!!! (report editting=edit the content. Not concentrate on the formatting. Editting n formatting got difference. Yes half the editting was more of formatting changes)

Huilin: Could you help by taking a look at the below link... its supposedly a case study see if you can pluck some to insert into parts of our report. (stuff which is already mentioned).

http://searchcio.techtarget.com/bestWebLinks/0,289521,sid19_tax298187,00.html

Thanks.

I will continue editing the essential factors... n send another one.

Cheers
XXXXX

The other email at 3.16am n sent to me alone
------------------------------------------------------
Hey shar,

Sorry I know I sent out one before this...
Could you work on this instead cos after I send I made some changes to v5. but only very little so did not bother sending out to everyone again! (so if i haf started working on the 1am version i would have to redo watever i did lah? Like wth... And u think i'm superwoman? No need to sleep???)

As mentioned earlier, you do the against k? my for part is alright already!

Areas which need to be worked on is the implications and essential factors and also conclusion of cos, we need to reestablish why we took that stand! N dun know why there seems to be repetition of implications at the essential factors part too..... thin its huilin's part. so is it for implications or essential factors?

lov
grace
(eye's damn pain)

hopefully u can continue with where I stop and I will start on it again tmr morn.... damn sleepy now!

*pissed*
My course of action...
Forward the mail at 850am
Hi,

This is the re-editted version that grace sent to me. Forwarding it to u guys.

Grace: i won't be able to do any editting now coz i'm in class and i haf a project meeting after that.

Cheers, Sharleen

So pissed that i dun feel like saying anything. Okie... i shall upload the pix on some site so that i can link and u all can enlarge...

sun sets @ 9:29 AM

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I'm freaking pissed... wat a way to start the morning... N yes i won't be tactful. Here's how my email looks like...

Then another screen...

So now i haf to literally manage human capital... n the human capital here refers to human knowledge... Wait wat's there to manage? Arghhh... If i'm gg to double major in OBHR, this is the pple i'm going to meet.... Arggghh... if only can see emoticons... i love that emoticon... Haha...

sun sets @ 9:18 AM

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Topic of the day: Flings.
Why topic of the day? Somehow 2 grp of my friends brought it up. How ironic.

-Discussion 1 during ethics project meeting-
Was suppose to be doing ethics presentation but somehow duno how come we end up talking abt flings (sy u muz be laughing now... yes... it was brought up by the person u r thinking of... haha) And it all started with me finding a ang moh fling & how i should go fling overseas. Like errr... That aside... So i posed this qn... "So how do we define what is a fling?" A qn that we all couldn't really ans... Our conclusion: No strings attached. Short term. Categorize into 2: sexual and non sexual flings. And a lot more crap that's not worth mentioning
-End of discussion 1-

-Discussion 2 over dinner at glutton with the gals-
"Fling" was brought up again. And so tt qn again... which gives us the ans of nothing to do go out with person. Haha... Then i was educated on a sexual fling would = FB. Muahaha. So true... din think of it that way... But yes... i agree. Haha.. The most hilarious part came when the HCM-ness in jo & me came out. And we started on job scope & description of FB n how to come out with appraisal form for them... n interview process is ineffective n can only be tested with trial. Muahah... ok... HCM can be applied everywhere n anywhere... as claimed by our prof. And so we proved her right n she taught us well. Muahaha...
-End of discussion 2-

-Discussion 3 in my mind-
So wat exactly defines flings? A qn tt i've asked. Since i was suppose to haf been part of one... which somehow metamorphosize n unflinged itself to a i-duno-wat. Coz ultimately neither of us could define wat's in a fling n it was more than that. Haha...
This brings me to the next qn of then wat is a r'ship... what does it mean to be in a relationship? to be attached? to be dating someone? wat constitutes being together? Does it start of as strangers then u become acquaintance then friends then u date then when that magical qn is popped u become attached? Haha... The whole process is getting GREYER... What once used to be distinctive black n white is no longer the case. Everything has been blurred... Lines are dividing these two colours are disintegrating... n the colours r mixing... mixing too well... so welll tt it's grey.
-End of discussion 3 but still puzzled-

sun sets @ 11:16 PM

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Monday, November 14, 2005

Back from sch... Feel a lil unproductive though... But watever... at least i'm a lil in the mood to do work now... So much work to do... Equities project... assignement.... takehome exam... HCM report n presentatioon... FIM report n test... This is all discounting the 3 other exams i haf... Blehz...

Sometimes it just frustrates me when my interest in something just gets killed by ya fellow grp mates... So much that u get so turned off when u think of that report which u haf to do. Honestly i rather write the darn report myself. Though i din contribute much to the writing of the report... But the amt of brain cells i haf to use to put the darn thing together just irks me... And how nice of them to just keep sending in different parts... edited versions n blardy many versions. Yes maybe coz i'm a lil disorganized too but it doesn't help that everyone is working on different versions of the report. So wth am i suppose to do??? Can i outsource the darn outsourcing project. And somehow though they are suppose to do the slides.. i really duno if i should trust them to do it. I dun want to haf a shock when i see the slides n end up having to redo them. Arghhh... *vomits blood* And there are so many other things waiting to be done.

Anw sidetracking from work... saw someone today and the person doesn't look happy... or is it just me. But anyway i din bother to ask y either... neither would i ask since i barely talk to that person nowadays... not on msn... smses btw us is rare too. I'm sure that person has friends who would show that person concern. If things ain't going too well... I hope u'll be fine. Life has it's ups n downs... not everything will go ya way. Maybe i'm just being sensitive to pple's moods... but at least i saw sadness n troubles lurking in that person... Maybe i'm wrong but watever it is.. my ears are alwiz ard for anyone... that's provided u all wanna tell me. Haha...

sun sets @ 10:27 PM

(0) rays of light

Woo... Went shopping with mummy... And spent like hell a lot of money... Haha.. Let's see... About $400 in Esprit and $350 in Nike... Muahaha... But not all are my stuff lah... But most of them are... Haha... So happy...

Discovered that my equities assignment isn't due tml! *heaves a sigh of relief* Thot it was due... super kan cheong.. Still have to rush HCM report. Haiz... Can it outsource it??? Blehz...

Some pix of my shopping today... while i take breather from my report.. Haha...

Yes... all the bling bling stuff.. Shall take a better photo or more photos when i get my camera back. Haha... All these taken with my hp... n my not so artistic skill... Haha...

WOOO....

HEEEE....

YIPPIE....

OKIE... BACK TO OUTSOURCING...DISGUISTING...

sun sets @ 1:45 AM

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Driving down the all familiar road as i headed for supper after "Exorism of Emily Rose"... the road that i used to love to travel and once was so familiar to me has turned so unfamiliar n cold. Even the road leading to it seems new to me... so new that i was hestitant to turn into it... which in the end i din turn n realize that i'm a dumb ass road idiot. Haha...

Had my nice n fattening supper. Hee hee... Prata *yumz* I'm sooo gg to miss it manz... Dun all u overseas pple miss it? Anw nearly crashed into the darn wooden pillars at my house while parking. Thanks goodness duno wat jolted me n i just slammed on the brakes. It's one of those moments where ya mind was just preoccupied with thots... so preoccupied tt ya mind is clouded... ya limbs, senses n limbs are not linked... or rather some lag in ya synapses. It's times like this that cause pple to get into accidents.. or crash into tt darn pillar... yes at least i know of 2 pple who haf hit that wooden pillars at my car park. Maybe then u were preoccupied from where we came back from... I still remember.

Was talking to my dear jo today. It just feels like we all (the SN pple) share a similar take on r'ships. No... wait... it seems like the sec schs we spent 4 yrs in haf a way on moulding our take on r'ships. It really seems like there's some kind of co-relation. Anw... Now the whole bunch of us seem to haf return back to the days of SN with the exception of 1 or 2... haha... Hmmm... 2 bunch of gal pals... almost all r single! Cool... Galz rule! Haha...

can't seem to fall aslp... Just feels like something is missing from my life... missing from my day...

sun sets @ 4:51 AM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Thanks ah lip for that comment! I'm not on rebound! Pengz... If i want to rebound also rebound a long time ago... wait until now.. Muahah... And rebound also not on u... plsssss....haha... I just miss ya crappiness! N me trying to drag u out... Haha... Anw... can i be a bimbo n ask u... wat do gals wear in winter? Haha... Mini skirts in sub zero temps??? Haha... Ok.. i'm just being damn bo liaoz n damn bored... It's a planless sat... Sheesh...Caught up on some of my slp... but i dun haf any mood to do anything.

Wellz... but thank goodness for my nice friend who's going to bring me out! Haha... At least i'm going to watch a movie. Haha... Beats rotting my sat at home... Nvm... i'm just a restless gal who doesn't like to stay home... Haha...

4G gals... let's start saving up n planning for our graduation tour!

sun sets @ 6:30 PM

(2) rays of light

Thank goodness the weekend is here... N i dun haf to go back to sch... It's been a horrible week... Duno why i've been getting so lil slp... surviving on 3-4 hrs a day... Thank goodness FI presentation is over! Think it was ok... though i love the slides... Muahah... I'm BHB... Could haf done better bah... Went to watch wayang ramayana... Nice nice... GOOD JOB su n jo! Hee... Had a not-so-nice supper other than my shui jing bao... Haha... I'm so drained...

Finally i get the luxury of my bed... N time to just bum ard for that lil while. Shall rest today... slp in tml... N pia after that...

Anw i'm puzzled... but i believe my gut instincts. so be it. do wat u want to do. I dun care. maybe i haf change... but so? everyone learns n change along the way. I can't alwiz be standing at the pt. Change for the better or the worst, only i'll know in time.

Just a thot tt cross my mind... What constitutes derogatory? Anw i realize some issues dun affect me anymore...

sun sets @ 1:43 AM

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

Tongues really wag yar... I'm amazed by the nice lil gossip that i've waited so excitely for only to realize it's abt me! N it amazed me even more abt how pple can talk. Just coz i was spotted with some guy... = something is going on. Like WTH... IF tt's the case... i think i got a lot of scandals liaoz lor... Muahah...

I'm so sleepy... I need coffee... no... caffeine! Coffee is no longer enough... I need a straight doze of caffeine into my blood... Someone come out with caffeine jab plssss....Gonna be another long day... Yawnz

sun sets @ 10:28 AM

(0) rays of light

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

*huff puff*
literally n figuritively... the damn cough is still plaguing me like a darn bug.It just refuses to go away or get better... Irritates the hell out of me. Blehz... And i'm suffocating... sucffocating from all the work! So much work to do... I better start digging my hole... either to bury myself... or bury all my notes n then i'll jump into that hole with my hotes.. haha... *screams* I dun want to do work!!!

It's a good n happy day! Woke up feeling happy :) N of coz there's something else that made me happier. :)(paul i bet u muz be thinking that i'm going mad abt it again...haha) Starting to think i'm easily pleased. Muahaha... I guess when u do not haf any expectations or expect nothing... it's easy to be pleased. Haha...

Gals if u r reading this. I'VE GOT THE HARRY POTTER tix!!! Harry potter on the 17th Nov... HAHA..

Craves for a drink - depressant n some good music! Shopping @ Espirt... spotted a nice short skirt & the black sweater... Sighz... Off to do slides liaoz... I need some creativity juices... i've been stuck with doing slides this term... piangz...

sun sets @ 10:06 PM

(0) rays of light

Just reflecting on this sucky day... every part of it sucks. But i guess one of the sweetest things that happen today is that my dear friend is so sweet. He offered to come n pick the feeling sick me up from sch even though he's at home.. which i would say is not near sch. Wat more he isn't well... Though i declined the ride... i must say THANKS A MILLION! SO sweet of you :) *hugz* The thot of ya sweet gesture is enough for me. U take care k... Rest well before u mug for ya test la...

sun sets @ 2:02 AM

(0) rays of light

it's one of those days where...
...emotions just gush out from being pent up and just goes wild. Wild n i mean wild... So wild that one minute u r laughing happily n the next minute ya heart just seems to wrench with tears... n u find ya eyes on the brim of bursting. But u know that u haf to keep it in there... Rush to the toilet... turn away.. watever it is.. hide that bead of tear that threatens to burst any moment.
...u know u haf to be strong. u know u R strong n u haf been strong. But there's still this lil part of u that hasn't grown that strong. A part of you that just seems to want to fall back to the self... the self that no one wants to see u in... the self that u hate but yet sometimes love... the self that is so in touch with ya real self which u r trying so hard to hide.
...u just wished u could turn back the hands of time.
...u wish u could tell the person u truely love that u love him.
...u wish that there's someone whom u could call him darling, sweetie, hunny, baby from heart.
...wish that u would just let someone love you n shower you with all his love... accept wat he has to give without having to give anything. But u know this would never last coz u haf nothing for him.
...u r totally upset n feel that the day is outright shit from the start and just wish that special someone is just sitting right next to u. But then u know he's so near but yet so far. But yet u know why he can't be ard.
...when u just feel like going by the beach to just enjoy the breeze, but u can't.
...when u just wish to hang out with some of ya close pals... pals whom u can talk abt anything n everything.
...one minute u just want to pack ya bags n leave for the faraway land. But yet u know that there's still this small lil part of u that is holding u back.
...u just miss the companionship of friends from far away lands.
...u r not fine but u tell everyone u r fine coz u simply just not want to talk abt it.
...just wonder wat's going on ard u. wat's going on with yaself.
...wanna rush over to ya friends n show them that big fat smile that comes from ya heart. esp from all the encouragement n concern they show u. :)Coz it's then u know that u'll never walk alone.
...just want to cry. And u do. And friends will tell u that it's not worth crying over someone who doesn't love you anymore
...where blogging is the outlet for some of ya emotions. So is crying. And after that u are strong and cheerful once again.

sun sets @ 1:09 AM

(0) rays of light

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The day just started off on the wrong foot. Sighz... Woke up late... And i mean late... woke up at 8... Muahaha... Anw.. on the way to sch... the silence in the car just killed me... Yes... But i guess it was for my own good... Watever lah... And then step into the wonderful FIM class... n of coz i was late. And in my shock... we were dumped with a darn it class assignemnt. Okie.. nvm... then i stared at the paper... N i was just totally blank. It's like wtf... It's a wrong day... very wrong day... And the day is only halfway gone... Haiz... still got this banana's class and got project meeting which i'm soooo unprepared for... Haiz... Die la die la...

No mood to do anything... haiz...

sun sets @ 4:03 PM

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Monday, November 07, 2005

*shar bounces ard in excitement* feel my heart beating in excitement.... my heart beat increases at the thot of it... Haha... Not some guy that is giving me this feeling... Muahaha...

Once again i'm excited at this topic. Prolly coz it was the atmosphere i was in again. But once i calm myself down the excitement just leaves or rather it gets over-ridden by a lot more contradictary thots. Thots that just dampens my mood n excitement. But no matter wat it is... I've decided and YES I'll stick with it. Some may not look forward to this decision of mine but i guess i'll be better off with this decision of mine.

Met the ambassador of Sweden today. N he leaves in a COOL house... the house is like HOW BIG n COOL la... Sheesh... *dreams of living in it* Young chap and quite good looking... But can't be one or two of the swed guys. Muahaha... Maybe i should take back my words abt finding swed guys... Haha... Kidding la...Anw the swed guy who happens to be studying in our sch too is like cute, sexy n a lil hot... Absolutely charming smile... Not very good looking but attractive enough... With a good dress sense nonetheless... *drools* The other which is an intern is like cute to look at... but his attitude/character sucks. Haha... Darn it... why am i attracted to pretty smiles n sexy looking guys n guys who dress well. *woohoo... over the moon*

Time to calm down n get work done. So many things to settle... Projects, travel plans, documents... mugging for exams... planning my dec so tt it'll be max-ed out...

shar's quote of the day "sometimes it takes absence before u notice something's/someone's presence"

sun sets @ 11:21 PM

(0) rays of light

Nothing beats talking to someone whom u can talk with and want to talk with and knows you soooo wellz... Haha...

An analysis of me by dear lip

Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
the problem with you is
Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
you always lose yourself
Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
you need some sense of individual and some sense of coupledom

And then we went on about having semestral relationship. Sounds like me in SMU. That's way to go dude! But ya sems are like shorter than mine... So u've got to find more gals... Muahaha... And our conversation ended with...

Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
can i qualify to be your 3 week bf in dec?
Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
then break up
sick shar: love is a decision not an emotion ~lip & tt equals committment says:
A hit him emoticon which doesn't load here
Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
then remain good frds
Lip Jin: l'enfant terrible. says:
okay?

Haha... ok...i'm dat sick of my outsourcing report... Haha... So sick that we are talking abt love and decision.
"LOVE IS A DECISION NOT AN EMOTION" quotes lip & "THAT EQUALS A COMMITTMENT" quotes shar

sun sets @ 1:24 PM

(0) rays of light

OUTSOURCING... piangz... HCM project... Dunno where to start attacking it from... It's a scattered battlefield now... and i haf to scout the darn battlefield for the very blasted up body parts of a body which i'm trying to find. Haha... Yes... wat an analogy of my project report. Haha...

Projects waiting for my hands to meddle with urgently: HCM and FI...

My dear cousin is having a stayover at his place. So fun... I also want a stayover! I want a MJ stayover session. I want a PJs stayover too. Haha... Watever stayover... Just a stayover lah... Think it'll be fun... Anyone up for one?

Haha.. my mind is going crazy... Soooo many things to think about...

sun sets @ 2:08 AM

(0) rays of light

Sunday, November 06, 2005

OMG... i just saw my mum feeding my fish CELERY! Sheesh...

My blog is officially a lil more ready to be launched... Muahaha...

sun sets @ 5:28 PM

(0) rays of light

All the medicine is making a lil zombie. *pouts* I feel like a jelly... my head is like a whirlpool *round n round it goes* my eyes are so heavy... my lungs are busy fighting the germs... And i'm plagued by...

B reak up n stop playing with the germs
R un all the germs over fast...
O nly ANTIBIOTICS can do that but
N o! Antibiotics don't seem to be relieving me of my
C oughing spell
H ell!
I am grouchy. *screams out loud*
T ell my lungs to stop killing me!
I want to dig out my lungs and flush out the phlegm
S har is sleepy then dying!

Medicine is making me d.r.o.w.s.y. n g.r.u.m.p.y. n i.r.r.i.t.a.b.l.e.
And no one caressssss.....

sun sets @ 2:51 PM

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

Almost declared today another public holiday but I dragged myself out of bed n to sch... Though i was REALLY late for class :P Sorry prof! Haha... Somehow i found a warp motivation to get my ass to sch... Oh wellz...

Had dinner to celebrate anne's bday... had some nice oysters! And i had fun teasing poor ry who could ONLY stare at the oysters but can't eat them. Muahaha... (yes i know u r reading this... Heehee... Tahan for a month more k... then the cast will be off). Oh well... seeing the cast reminds me of something or rather someone *shoves that thot away* Nice seeing everyone again... esp the young ones... But gave up the dbl o invites for some mtv thingy. But i was HOW near dbl o la... Thanks christin for asking! :)

Din end up clubbing or rather visiting the new ZOUK... Haha... Nvm la... Joined kev n his med friends for drinks @ Acid & supper (yes... supper again! Duno how many times this week *stares as my fats grow*) Nice n funny n easy going bunch of pple... Dun haf the doctor feel. Muahaha... Thanks dude! Dun forget to jio me out to Acid again... Heck care that person k! Haha...

It's ironic how i eventually ended at Acid knowing that i only knew 1 person there but yet i still went. But i din go chill out with a bunch of sch mates who i knew them by name n could casually just chat with. haha... Prolly the mood.
Bedtime... Got banana's classssss tml... Grrrr....

sun sets @ 3:45 AM

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Friday, November 04, 2005

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I love this song... esp the chorus... A very reflective song.

sun sets @ 2:06 AM

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Thursday, November 03, 2005

i'm starting to feel that i dun know wat it means to fall in love...

How do u exactly fall in love with someone?
How do u know u are in love with that someone?
How do u even start dating?
How do u define that grey area whether u r in the dating stage or whether u two are officially together?
What makes u his gf? The day he ask u to be his gf? Or is it a process?
How do u miss someone?

Someone teach me how to fall in love again! Fall in love... like the way i used to fall in love n love someone.... Or is my heart so numb? Or are my walls so thick n high that it's hard to break?

sun sets @ 2:42 PM

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Just got back from some nice fattening supper with kev... 5 star chicken rice + sambal kangkong + sambal sotong... Yum Yum... It's been a long time since i had such a yumalicious supper. Supper @ place that was all so familiar to me... but this time i'm there with a different companion... But nonetheless... It's still a great feeling... *satisfied n happy gal* But sad part is we din get to club... Blehz... Went to zouk... but only managed to check out the exterior of the place... It was FULL HOUSE. Darn it... Will try my luck some other time... and i'm kind of a bit gian to club... Oh wellz...

But the nite can't get any better... Met ken for drinks after the unhappy me (unhappy for many reasons) left sch... Wasn't in the mood for socializing... Rather hang out with someone i was comfortable with/ with someone i wanted to hang out with... And not hang out in a bunch of pple whom i barely know n haf to put on the fake smile... Anw beer from brewerks is good... it's therapeutic... Muahaha... Plus nice supper... plus i self-declared my own public hol today... plus i saw someone (tt's with a lil mixed feelings)... plus i met my special one...

sun sets @ 3:35 AM

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

BROWNIE BATTER!
You scored 92% SWEET, 66% CHUNKY, and 70% UNIQUE!

brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl

Mmmm....you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you're not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 96% on SWEET

You scored higher than 47% on CHUNKY

You scored higher than 70% on UNIQUE

Link: The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor Test written by weered1 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

sun sets @ 10:50 PM

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So what have been doing ALL morning and afternoon?

NOTHING!!! *screams in your face*

I'm just feeling so darn lethargic... n the cough that has plagued me isn't helping. I'm just so tempted to rip my lungs apart... dig out my throat. Arghh... And hating to take cough syrup doesn't help.

So why do i hate taking cough syrup?
1) coz it's liquid! i hate the way i haf to let the diguisting tasting syrup flow down my throat
2) the aftertaste it leaves... which i can't help but gulp down lots of water or some cold drink (ya.. the irony... cold drink...haha)
3) it makes me drowsy... and it makes my head go round n round
4) i hate taking medicine in general. Just like how i hate to see doctors (and yes there's a reason behind it)

Okie... enough for now... Back to reading up on REITS...

sun sets @ 3:27 PM

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