life's a one way road

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

some days i feel like just giving up on motivating myself to stay in the job.
i know the motivation to leave isn't that great or at least not great enough to overcome all the obstacles of finding a new job
but yet i know it isn't engaging me enough to not harbour thots of leaving.
it's like yet another mental battle of motivating myself and pushing myself to stay engaged.
but these days disengagement seems like the way to go.
i guess at least it keeps me nonchalant to the politics that go on in the office
.
i'm starting to hate the groupie thingy n how pple try to get into the groupies of the hip without realizing that they are no longer themselves.
isn't it tiring just trying to change yourself to someone u ain't just to get accepted?
for the observer perspective. it does feel a lil weird to note the changes.
.
disengagement does keep the emotion balance at equilibrium though there are days where disengagement doesn't seem to work. some days i wonder why i am working so hard when other pple r busy chatting online or facebook or networking. or some days u reflect n realize that pple's wage per hour is a lot higher than yours not coz they are more experienced or they work harder. disparity. disparity in working hours... coming in late leaving early enjoying the lunch hours n lil times off in the day... summing up to less than 8hrs a day. disparity in claims.. claiming for hours that u dun work for. all these disparities does get to some of us on days. we could simply not care but being loud n relatively proud of it doesn't help. i guess i can't help but bitch about it.
.
and all this detachment has prolly made me a very detached person in all sense of the word
so i guess...
one day i've got to tune back to the world's frequency
& also one day my wish is to tell that someone...
"i think i'm in love with you."

sun sets @ 10:44 PM

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Sunday, June 15, 2008

My personality type: the spontaneous idealist. Take the free iPersonic personality test!

sun sets @ 1:50 PM

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

erp which i know it as the electronic bridge that reduces the numerical value of the plastic card camping in my IU is sprouting all over singapore. i've gotten so used to see those bridges that i barely notice their existance for a period of time. till one fine day when i was just driving along the roads when i noticed their proliferation. it suddenly became such an eye sore... n when the LED & that 2 orange bulbs come on.. it's simply pierces my eyes. I just wish i could sing... 'electronic bridge came falling down, falling down'. I WISH. but see.. the underlying idea is to suck poor road users dry... fwahahaha... n well.. my belief... as long as I can drive at minimum 90km/hr on the highway & reach town in 10-15 mins.. i would gladly pay that 4 frigging bucks.
okie. meaningless post other than some very random grumbling....
nitez world.

sun sets @ 12:36 AM

(0) rays of light

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

.of income and expenditure.
it's once again that time of the month where the bills find their way to my letterbox. and also the time of the month where i commence my countdown to pay check day. but it's also time where i realize that the puffed up bank account inflates for that short span of 2 or 3 days before the money automatically finds their way out. it's been awhile since i've gotten a kick of seeing an inflated bank account. well next time will be next year march if i continue hanging out at thy company. wat are the odds? well the future is not within my control so till then...
a part of me hopes i can hang on.. hang on to get my fair share of the pie.. or watever pie is left after the mouse has gotten hold of their fair-or-not-so-fair share. it's time i get my share.. the share of the pie which will make up for all the unaccounted for inflation. some days it's simply depressing to think of how my value to my company decreases per day. let's see how this works out in my brain.
First let's establish that loyalty is paid off monetarily. Experience grows gradually per day. Inflation rates stands at 7.5% which in my honest opinion is a lot more than that (especially since the most drastic increase in my expenditure has gone to the very expensive fuel that my car consumes.. say from 50bucks for one full tank back in uni days to my 70 bucks for one full tank now. well apparently fuel knows how to peg itself to my earning power) and yearly increment should factor in inflation & loyalty & some form of increase in experience. with that established...
ok so here how my value decreases per day...
my working hours (official hours 9 to 530) have increased from the usual 9-max6 per day to 9 to on an average 7ish per day. so that's a give n take of 2 hours a day of OT.
increment from 2007 -2008 is so pathetic that i must honestly say doesn't even compensate for the inflation rate as announced this year. so that means... my real increment is like NEGATIVE. so where's that tiny weeny percentage that is contributed for loyalty & experienced gain?
so all in all.. doesn't that make me a lot of a cheaper labour to thy company that the actual size of the pay check? the numeric value may have increased but the real value of it seems to have decreased.

maybe that seems to help me understand why my pay check doesn't seem to comfortably pay off my bills. and a mental estimate positively affirms that.

it's a sad life.. all so suddenly when everything dawns upon you...

sun sets @ 12:21 AM

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Sunday, June 08, 2008

so many many many wants.....
1) new watch - tag similar
2) new car - MRS/Integra
3) new lappy/desktop - powerbook/imac
4) time capsule...
5) hi-fi system
that pretty much sums up all my big tix items that i want....

sun sets @ 11:42 PM

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Thursday, June 05, 2008

some days... i do get the recurring feeling of missing you...
then it heads back to the mental battle.

sun sets @ 12:58 AM

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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

it's amazing how the supply of work is never ending.
if and only if the supply of money comes in with that constant supply.
then at least i won't be complaining.
n the most retarded thing is getting one more headcount to lessen our workload
but how come i dun see how the reshuffle of work is going to help me head home early?
no ideaz. maybe i havent done very well in acting busy.
i think as an objective for the next half of the year... the objective shall read
'To improve act busy skill by Dec 08, such that work which can be completed in 4 hours will seem like it takes me more than 8 hours.'
SMART objectives. sounds SMART enough? i think auntie chia's drilling din get in too well..
hmmm...
n i can't believe i work wif some pathetic pple.
i hope pple can start to differentiate the difference btw supporting the subject and supporting the person.
And if something really isn't that urgent or important to you, then dun make it seem like it by making it an issue when it is none in the first place.
n work is sucking up all my energy.
and i love dancing! but only with good leading partners. :)

sun sets @ 1:09 AM

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Monday, June 02, 2008

i wish the weekend din have to zoom by so quickly. but don't we all wish for that. (:
a part of me is like dead... it seems like i go through the motion of the days n the weeks n the months.
wake up. get to work. work. knock off work. head home. eat. shower. bum. sleep.
and the cycle repeats itself once again. i feel like a robot going through the motion of things.
well.. i think it's time i revived that part of my life.
how? i dunno.
anw the weekend came n went by...
sex n the city was great! i wanna watch the entire series of SATC.
mj was good! it's been awhile since i touched the tiles.
massage was shiokz so was bumming on a sunday afternoon with some good company & waffles & ice cream.
pedicure was true indulgence after the massage n all...
hehe...
clearing my wardrobe didn't turn out too well...
i shall do it bit by bit. though i managed to toss out some stuff. well at least.

Just an announcement to all..
i'm on a mission to curb thy art's shopping expenditure..
so no more shopping for me...
tempt me not. window-shopping only.. n pls drill that into my head.

sun sets @ 12:26 AM

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