life's a one way road

Monday, September 04, 2006

been feeling a tad anti-social of late. weekends are just spent at home, lazing ard, being a couch potato, sleeping, and just waiting for pple to get me out. even though i dun accede to all invitations. i get restless as alwiz but the drive to arrange an outing just isn't there. i realise that i've been missing out so much of my friends' lives, be it just talking to them, meeting up with them or just simply reading their blogs & logging in to locked posts. it feels like so much is happening around me but yet my life has come to a standstill with everyone zooming by me. just give me one week to be with nature and i'll be thankful for that.

days here seem so meaningless. day in, day out is nothing but being part of a routine, a routine that we've been brought up to endure thru. we're been taught to study n get that paper which will ultimately land us a job and thereafter join the crazy rat race and vial to climb the corporate ladder. but ultimately what do we want? Money? Status? Wealth? is that what we all we yearn for? on the top of our minds, these r the things that we seek to desire. coz we've been shown that these are all that matters. somehow underlying all these, we do not actually know what we want coz we are so caught in this rat race and trying to accumulate all these. and this word 'enough' doesn't exist for us. we're just part of a system, going by each day.
so what if we knew wat we want in life, not many pple have the courage to break free from this system. conformity is everywhere. anything out of the norm is seen to be ostracised and who wants to be ostracised? so conforming seems like the only way - conforming to this system which brings us thru life and is our safety net.
i know what i want but am i doing anything about it? no. coz i'm just another one of those churned out from the factory to parttake in this system. i may talk about my ideals n dreams but my body still goes by with the system while my soul and mind floats off to seek that utopia. it's sad to be aware of that. and it doesn't help that i've made the choice to join the rat race earlier than i need to. i just want to be financially independent.

somedays i wake up feeling like i'm at peace with myself but yet on other days prove otherwise. this state of mind, i can't seem to figure. dunno what i've been preoccupied with either. mind's a blank, so is the heart. or maybe i do know, just pulling another me stunt of running. someone once said that another person will never be able to step in if thy heart has reserved a place for someone else. but what if the reserved place is for someone who might never step in? hai. been hearing so many bgr stories and how troublesome things get. will i ever get back into another one? *shrugs* but i guess i will haf to one day since in a couple of years i dun see myself being let off the hook of being questioned abt the existance of the other half. neither do i want to be all alone. haha.

feel like i'm back to my days of sec sch. where i'm just all happy being ard the girlies.
time to migrate to a password protectable blog space, at least my crappy writing can only be viewed by my pals.

sun sets @ 3:50 AM

Comments: Post a Comment