life's a one way road

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

and my prof thinks....
guys should watch korean drama to learn how to date gals...

Wahahha.....

sun sets @ 9:46 AM

just like everyone else... i haf my own fears. fears which remain unspoken off...
everyone's speaking of getting jobs. the heat is on n catching up on me. i fear making the wrong decision. i fear a decision made out of convenience. why does everyone think that everything is going well and good but yet i feel it isn't the case. or am i unable to appreciate the situation or rather the state i am in now.

i still fear... just like anyone of you out there. the unspoken fears.

i just want to hide away... somewhere where i can stop to breath and where the world stops spinning for awhile. i guess i brought it on myself for making this work-study decision, but since it's been decided upon. i will get by it some way or another. a challenge to myself.

sun sets @ 9:45 AM

(0) rays of light

Sunday, October 29, 2006

it's funny how love evolves. it's funny how 2 happy pple start their quarrels and there after get back to being happy pple. it's funnier how singles yearn to get into a rship n couples yearn to get out.
-amused by my grp mates.

sun sets @ 5:24 PM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, October 28, 2006

a lil happy juice is prolly wat i need to keep it going
just a lil to numb my senses
just a lil to put me on that lil cloud
just a lil so that i can pretend to forget some things
just a lil to put me in nice good deep sleep so i won't dream
just a lil will do.
i dun want to be spouting shit.
i dun want to wake up with a splitting headache.
i dun want to be over the clouds & crying rain.
so just a lil to make me happy for that while
enough to be a lil more carefree.

2nd fri with happy juice. making that lil happier.
:)
but i'm not a alcoholic or jiu gui.

sun sets @ 3:15 AM

(0) rays of light

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

it's a long journey of recovery...
and longer journey for self discovery...
but it's an inevitable journey...
at least for the heart to learn to love & trust once again.

sun sets @ 1:30 AM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, October 21, 2006

discovered another shop that sells apple stuff near my workplace. so i went in and asked if i could send my mac-y for repair there... and in a part of the converstaion went like this.
me: oh my mac crashed once, and it's running pretty slowly.
Staff: how long haf u bought ya mac
me: less than a year
staff: oh it's ok... mac crashes once a year
me: AHA.... (in my mind, i was like WTF super loudly lah... I mean haven't i've been hearing about mac being more stable than windows & help... my darling fujitsu hasn't crashed in more than 3 year *touches wood*)
staff: no worries, mine crashed three times in 3 years... so that's once a year... (OMG... i nearly fainted n dead)
yeah... so that marks the end of my dealing with that authorized dealer of apple.
Seriously... me n apple really dun go... mac crash... ipod a lil kuku... DIAOZ. so much for crash-free..... I'm prolly the worm that attacks the apple. Wahahaha
Went to club after a long long while... Too bad i drove so couldn't drink too much. Heng din kanna any road block. Wish i din haf to drive then can really drink until i song... It's been a long while since i drank till my high. Though i really hate the after feeling... But i guess it does feel quite nice to be high n happy for once... like CAREFREE... if only i dun haf to worry n drink my hearts out n know that i'll still be taken care off.... Wahaha... But at least there's some alcohol in my blood now... that'll keep me going for the next month or so.. i hope.
Missing the crazy days where super high bunch of us dance...
Miss the days where i danced closed up with u... being protected by u... w/o having to haf guys dancing so darn close to me... & haf stray hands accidentally 'touching'... blehz.

sun sets @ 4:42 AM

(0) rays of light

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

830 class... n my mind is still sleeping so is the rest of my coursemates... sets me to wonder why i even bother coming for class. Boohooo...
Wellz.... i have tons of working pilling...
but my mind is just SLEEPING n my ears are just listening to some deep sounding voice from my prof without registering...
so i guess the only thing that I can do now is to surf net or BLOg.
So here I am...
Was reading someone's blog before sleeping last nite...
and it just dawned upon me....
Maybe at the end of the day... i dun miss the person. instead i miss the days where i felt loved n the days where 2 pple connect & do things together. Get the drift? It's not abt the person... but the feeling of having someone to love and someone to love u in return. So thots sorted.
Moving on...the folk is a lil nutty. I see signs of worrying abt my long standing singlehood. Hurh hurh... Evident from her constant of 'go out with guys' drift, bugging to meet some of my closer guy friends & active promotion of a certain person. OMG. For now, my only love is zhou gong! Wahahaha... Even got someone also no time for that someone... Wahahaha... I'm a NO LIFER!
ok... mind slightly awake... stomach rumbling (been rumbling since last nite lah... abstaining from supper. blehz). K shall attempt to listen to some consolidation or do some work....

sun sets @ 9:40 AM

(0) rays of light

haven't been in the right mood of late. so yar... pardon if my msn msg/sms msg seems short & replying for the sake of replying kind. yeah... but guess i should snap out of that mood. so yar... once again, i'll tell myself i'm fine n back to that xiao char bor. :)

hope everyone's doing fine n not buried under the piles of work. a bit hard lah... but hang on. the term is ending soon.

one more person led behind my walls... good or bad... dunch know...

sun sets @ 2:38 AM

(0) rays of light

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I wish it was not a dream. And i just had to be, I wish I never had to wake up then. So vivid. But was that you? It din feel so.... Is it the yearning of the heart or a reflection of the future?

sun sets @ 1:58 PM

(0) rays of light

Monday, October 16, 2006

the sun has hidden under the thick thick layers of haze. Where's the sun? The sun that makes my day n cheers me up when i'm parked by the window in my air-con room.
Similarly, sunshine gal is buried under the thick thick layer of upcoming depression & work...
Off to hear my bank account growing... Wahahaha...

sun sets @ 3:14 PM

(0) rays of light

i keep having to tell myself that i'm not missing you... maybe it does help that such a song does exist. At least it makes it less silly for myself to tell myself that i'm not missing you... instead i'll just sing the song to myself.
Why is it that i dun haf the guts or the streak in me that will just pick up the fone n sms or call u? Why am i so hard on this?
Why why why?
this really sucks.... FULL TIME.
Letting myself in one cycle of sadnesss... BOOOO

sun sets @ 10:54 AM

(0) rays of light

"pop"
i heard and saw u...
and so it is.
u won't know it's me
and so be it.

why is it that when i haf to momentarily think of u... things like that has to happen?
I wish i could think of 4 numbers n they'll appear in the upcoming 4D draw.

blehz.

sun sets @ 2:08 AM

(0) rays of light

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I crave for a holiday.

Anywhere will do. Just walking around lazily, taking in the sights n sounds of the new environment, photowhoring @ anything n everything, it's times like this when u look back n wished u've taken more photos - of the lil things there n yaself.
I wish i could just lie on the beaches of santarini & get burnt, fight against the lil waves of corfu beaches n soak in the chilly water, lie on the not-much-of beach of the lil jonkoping in the freezing cold, or just simply breathe in the freshest air of svierge.
my, my, my... can someone just cut the pace of life by half or just transport me back to mooseland. my moose wants to go home...
Any travellers? Time to make some travelling plans.

sun sets @ 3:58 PM

(0) rays of light

OMG. I was round. (and this is one of less round pix) OMG. I am still round... the rate of deflation is like minute. OMG OMG OMG. Someone poke me so i'll just burst.

sun sets @ 3:45 PM

(0) rays of light

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

getting picked up from work or anyway or being fetched to sch/work/anywhere may just be an ordinary routine for many of us. since i've started work, this routine not just a routine. it's an act of love from the other half. it's funny how i see my colleagues being so happy that their other halves call and wanting to pick them up. the smiles on their faces are something u'll never catch with some other joke or act of kindness. it's the smile of bliss. it's heart warming to hear how bfs will come pick their gfs up from the nite shift just so that they see them home safely. i just makes u feel that this word called 'love' still does exist.

take notice of the small lil actions in life and show the giver some appreciation. and u'll realize the days are so much better and happier. Just like how i realize i look forward to the littlest things in life.
:)
but there's something i dun look forward to. parking ticket. boohoo... and guess where i got it... wahaha... i deserve it i guess... watever... i just made the attendent happy by lessening one of his quota. Muahaha...

sun sets @ 3:21 AM

(0) rays of light

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

When u sit back n look at this, u discover lots that you would never have paid attention to before. And i feel very lucky.

The drunkard states of me are well over. I'm glad for those pple who stood by me those days. No one complained that I'm perpetually in that jiu gui stage. No one gave up on me. I'm glad that I got screamed at by thy family. I know I made everyone drained up. Got some pple scolded. I'm sorry. I'm glad i got some sense knocked into me. I'm thankful for whoever who stood by me and brought me to this stage of my life where i stand on my own feet once again. I'm one lucky gal with friends who stood by me and friends whom I know will stay by you no matter what happens. And so I resolve to one of such a friend to whoever who needs me.
I'm lucky to live a very sheltered life. A life where I dun have to worry about much. Worries are self-inflicted. Ok maybe not all... But theese are worries which I wish to carry and get myself worried.
Though the breakweek is not much of a break, but i'm glad it's here. It give me the time to sit back on a idly afternoon to face my lappy n rush project n watch some tv. It gives me time to think. It gives me the time and reason to spend time with my family which I will spend time with my lil cousin who's done with exams.
I'm lucky to have a car to drive around. Even if it means having to chauffeur people around. And less the money the car is blowing but the convenience it brings to me and others is worth it (i guess)
I have a temp job to earn my own living... lucky lah. Haha....
I have friends who ask after me n care. N friends who love to feed me n make me cow. Haha...

Okie... Still got many many things that make me feel lucky but need to run to keep the family company.

sun sets @ 2:53 PM

(0) rays of light

sleep is an addiction
having someone hugging u to sleep & loving u is a bigger addiction

100% agreed!

sun sets @ 5:41 AM

(0) rays of light

Monday, October 09, 2006

Oh... LIP!
since i'm not online much n i dun see u online much...
Saw ya parents n ya replica @ parkway today. Tea-ing @ the same place @ where mum n me was at... Haha...

sun sets @ 12:33 AM

(0) rays of light

it's been a pretty much unproductive weekend. i guess it's the effect of a long previous 2 weeks + the start of the 1 week break. Though i would say that the 1 week is hardly any break nor is it sufficient. But nonetheless it's still the holidays! something which i can look forward to.. at least the term 'holidays' is sufficient to bring me a smile.
Was glad to spend some quality time with my 2 gals... shopping, eating n bumming ard. As usual... we alwiz NATO. Wahaha... so it's time i get to get ourselves a notebook to take down our to-dos & to-goes & start our planning. wahaha... At least it's a lil more action than just NATO n end up discovering that we have tons of things that we want to do but they just dun pop up when we r bored. Haha... It's been awhile since i went out with both of them... it's crazy work for them n crazy work n study for me. So yar... thank god for hols. gives me some decent reason to bum ard a lil without much guilt ( not that i feel guilty.. wahaha) So that was Sat.. shopping (yes i'm broke... ), eating (yes i'm fat... ) & bitching (yes i'm a bitch...)
sunday is family day. so it was. went to church with mum, went to parkway (i got free massage, complimentary to my nicest mum), came home n wanted to koon BUT i ended up being dragged to chinatown where my mum went for reflexology while i went to shop. there's really some good stuff over in cheenatown (no... but u all not going there to fight with me... stay in orchard. wahaha.. ) then went for dinner. & only then did we discover it's thaipusam today.
Thaipusam. A hindu festival celebrated by the tamil community. The day where they walk over buring coal & carrying different things (called kavadi) which includes the metal thing (which is an altar) that pierces into their body. Does that jolt any memory? Well, at least tt's wat i remember of thaipusam... which i remember from watching the news last time when they alwiz broadcasted thaipusam celebrations. So much for social studies which left me with nothing much. Sighz. Anw it's sad that thaipusam no longer is a public holiday in Singapore. I'm not sad that i get one last day to slack. Well it doesn't matter (mainly coz i'm on one week break. Haha... ) But i feel sad that such a festival is not remembered in this country where we strive to promote all that abt multi-racial & religion. Being part of this multi-racial society, sometimes i'm a lil ashamed to say that i stay here. coz i know nuts about the other races & religions other than being able to name the main races here. I can sometimes even confuse myself with the various festivals.. and knowledge of festivals are simply superficial. Wat a shame. But seriously, how much do we know about the other races & religions and how they celebrate their festivals? All we seem to know is the food that goes around... And how many of us actually go out to find out about them? Maybe u do... but i dun really unless i have friends... but sadly i've been brought up in a convent & subsequently went ot a cheena sch where everyone takes chinese. so there goes my exposure... Well.. but then again... how much do i know about my own race & the festivals we celebrate & my religion as well. Guess it's time for me to reflect hurh.
Wished i could go kaypoh at wat's going on thru this nite where they celebrate thaipusum. but mum doesnt want to go wif me. & i can't think of friends that r xiao enough to go do this kind of things with me... the only other person i could think of dunch want to go... BOOO...
enough of blogging... it's time to catch up of my much needed sleep.. the only thing that is lacking from this holiday pampering. Sleep liaoz wake up can pia till end of the week... before i crash once again before sch starts.
And laobu is acting real strangely... hmmmph... 1) permission to sign on my credit card w/o paying myself 2) car's getting a face lift on her account 3) she's splurging. 4) talking abt a particular person & wanting to be introduced 5) her purposefully telling me of her dislike for noisy sports cars (hurh hurh... )
*stressed*

sun sets @ 12:03 AM

(0) rays of light

Sunday, October 08, 2006

this stupid haze is making me SICK.
not sick but yet i feel sick n lethargic.
HAZE: u suck! make pple sick but u never bring us our needed holiday.

sun sets @ 10:44 AM

(0) rays of light

Saturday, October 07, 2006

when u see things in your life replaying in ya friends' lives... it just brings back flashbacks of your life which u want to discard n bury in the deepest of the memories. similarly, it also sets u on a reflective mode... seeing things outside the box that has trapped you n your thots. N that's where u learn. Yes i say learn coz u can only pick up the mistakes n move on, hoping that u take something along.... n there's no room for this word called REGRETS. And u just start to wonder if the saying 'birds of the same feathers flock together' does haf a more intrinsic meaning. Haha...

on sugar high but yet still being a lil pensive.... thots swirling... emotions on vacation... heart vacant... sleep deprived...
needs sleep... needs love... needs money... needs.. hmmmm

back to flirting with danish meatball... more updates soon...

sun sets @ 3:17 AM

(0) rays of light

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

i haf a mid term tml... but i'm not studying. WHY LIKE THAT?!??! *shake thyself hard* WAKE UP YA IDEA!!!!! Wat's wrong with me? I'm doing everything but study. Haiz... Doing mainly sleeping when i dun really lack sleep that much. And thinking nonense... shall think portfolio....

sun sets @ 2:08 PM

(0) rays of light

.decisions.
little do we realize, we make them everyday. From the simplest of things to big life changing decisions. Many a times, we take this simple, but yet at time complex action for granted. How many times do u consciously are aware of the decisions you make. The time u wake up till the time u decide to hit the sack, all the mundane decisions that we have to make. It's only when we sit back n reflect on our lives that we realize the kind of decisions that we make and how they may effect a whole chain of consequences, calling upon the butterfly effect.
Some decisions are time pressed but yet others remain idly allowing us to put them off till the crucial moment sets in. But the procrastination bug in us will somehow seem to attack our decision process. And flawed as we all, I've been plagued by such a bug and that has brought about unforeseen circumstances. But watever it is decisions have been made. I wouldn't have said that I regret some decisions nor am satisfied with them.
Enough for the nite...
Good luck in watever decisions u all have to make. I'm off to make mine.... sighz...

sun sets @ 3:00 AM

(0) rays of light

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

n i din realize that my walls were so hard to break thru...

sun sets @ 2:35 AM

(0) rays of light

cold n hardened... it's going to take a big fire to melt me down.

sun sets @ 2:21 AM

(0) rays of light

Sunday, October 01, 2006

2 issues.
JOB. Yes i am working & at somewhere some of u might want to work at.
First, it's a contract job. so permanent postiion in the bank is not secured. so dun tell me how i dun need to worry abt job. I still have to apply for jobs upon graduation. And having this job doesn't neccessitate my wanting to continue working there. Second, the ability to draw in a fairly decent salary while studying doesn't equate me being rich. If u guys want, there r tons of job opportunities out there.. u can just go get a job n u'll get ya own income n be rich too. I'm working coz i like to be financially independent. And similarly dun ask me for treats (whether joking or not... i'm getting peeved off with that.) U want a treat can? does that mean u'll treat me when u start earning ya bucks? If i want to treat u, i will. Third, stop asking me for job opportunities here. If i haf lobangs u all will hear of it... but first priotiy goes to the good friends.
CAR. Yes i get to drive now.
I agree i'm lucky to get a car to drive now... BUT i'm NOT RICH. N since i'm using the car, i pay for everything so i dun leech off my family N having the car doesn't mean i can drive pple ard. Such privelege and the privilege of asking only extends to my good friends... the gals n a few guys. The rest of u... if i offer u then be thankful.. otherwise dun even ask. I'll be pissed n turned off...
okie... all the pissed-ness is out before i can complete this entry so this shall end it. sorry if i sound offensive or mean.. dun mean to target anyone... but i'm just pissed of late... n i'm become wary of pple who try to get close to me... blehz

sun sets @ 1:56 PM

(0) rays of light

i so out of energy of late. i'm beginning to wonder where has all the energy gone. i look back & i'm amazed how much energy i used to have. or maybe having the other half does infuse some form of energy in you... an energy to keep u going on and on. it's amazing how i could afford to go pretty much sleepless n yet not feel like i'm dying. or is it age that is catching up? i'm starting to wonder how i managed the morning classes, the going out & frequent late nite outs with the boy, the projects & the tests then.... starting to wonder how i managed to get thru 3 years of uni. i dun do much mugging since time was either spent in love or out of love... hmm....well... i've kinda caught the fad in sch... mugger-toad-in-training.

只是简简单单的爱过
我还是我
简简单单的伤过
就不算白活
简简单单的疯过
被梦带走
当故事结束之后
心也喜欢一个人寂寞

Had a sweet dream this afternoon with one of my unidentified pple again... finally it's back to unidentified pple. Pray for more sweet dreams. :D

sun sets @ 3:12 AM

(0) rays of light